|Some new trains have been announced in the name of celebrities....|
Modi Express: Will not stop anywhere till it reaches the destination.
Bappi Lahiri Express: Pull chain, another chain will be seen behind it.
Ekta Kapoor Express: Will come three times on the same platform in slow motion.
Amir Khan Express: Will run once in a year and pick the passengers as per its choice.
Salman Khan Express: Can run on footpath.
Manmohan Express: One and only silent train.
Dhoni Express: 95% journey @ 10km/hr and remaining 5% @ 400km/hr.
Mamata Express: Train will run in the opposite direction of destination. Rahul Gandhi Express: Will get derailed repeatedly.
Congress Express: An experienced driver in each coach, driver Of engine on leave.
Amit Shah Express: Covers the whole country except Delhi.
Kejriwal Express: Sure to start but no guarantee it will reach destination... could stop midway if driver decides to abandon train.
And finally, Indian Railways Ka Shaan.
Rajnikant Express: Train will remain static at one place and stations will come and go...
|Rahul Gandhi called up Domino's and shouted at the branch manager: You idiot, I just received delivery of pizza from your boy and there's nothing on it!! No cheese, no toppings, nothing - it's just a circle of plain bread! What the hell is wrong with you guys? I am gonna close you guys down permanently and get you personally arrested!!!|
10 mins later Soniaji calls back to Dominos and apologises to the manager: Sorry, he opened the box upside down!!!
|Once Alia Bhatt was driving when she saw the flash of a traffic camera. She figured that her picture had been taken for exceeding the limit even though she knew that she was not speeding.|
Just to be sure, she went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed.
Now she began to think that this was quite funny, so she drove even slower as she passed the area once more, but the traffic camera again flashed. She tried a fourth and fifth time with the same results and was now laughing as the camera flashed while she rolled past at a snail's pace.
Two weeks later, she got five challans for driving without a seat belt... !!!
|Bill Gates: So, how's heaven Steve?|
Steve Jobs: Great, it just doesn't have any walls or fences.
Bill Gates: So...?
Steve Jobs: So, we don't need any Windows and Gates. I'm sorry Bill, I didn't mean to offend you.
Bill Gates: It's ok Steve, but I heard a rumor.
Steve Jobs: Oh, what rumor?
Bill Gates: That nobody is allowed to touch Apple there and there are no Jobs in heaven.
Steve Jobs: Oh no, definitely there are but only no-pay jobs. Therefore definitely no Bills in heaven as everything will be provided free...."