My son asked me if we could have a tree this Christmas. I told him I didn't want to pay for a tree and that's that.
He wouldn't stop asking though, every five minutes he wanted to know why we couldn't have a tree. In the end I grabbed my axe and stormed out of the house. Ten minuted later I returned with an eight foot Christmas tree.
"Wow," said my son. "You cut that down quick."
"Son," I replied, "I didn't cut it down, I got it from the local shop."
He looked puzzled and said, "Why did you take the axe then?"
"I told you, I didn't want to pay for a Christmas tree."
When I stopped the bus to pick up Chris for preschool, I noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house.
"Is that your grandmother?" I asked.
"Yes," Chris said. "She's come to visit us for Christmas."
"How nice," I said. "Where does she live?"
"At the airport," Chris replied. "Whenever we want her, we just go out there and get her."
In a high school civics class, they were discussing the qualifications for becoming President of the United States. The requirements are pretty simple. The candidate must be a natural born citizen and at least 35 years old.
A blonde girl in the class piped up and began complaining about how unfair it was to require the candidate to be a natural born citizen. In her opinion, that made it impossible for many qualified people to run for the office.
She went on and on, wrapping up her argument with, "What makes a natural born citizen more qualified to be President than one born by C-Section?"
While walking through the woods one day, I was surprised to hear a child's voice. I followed the sound, trying in vain to understand the child's words. When I spotted a girl perched on a rock, I realized why her words had made no sense: She was repeating the alphabet.
"Why are you saying your ABC's so many times?" I asked her.
The child replied, "I'm saying my prayers."
I couldn't help but laugh. "Prayers? All I hear is the alphabet."
Patiently the child explained, "Well, I don't know all the words, so I give God the letters. He knows what I'm trying to say."