• Bought vs. Homemade

    Six-year-old Annie returns home from school and says that today she had her first family planning lesson at school.

    Her mother, very interested, asks, "Oh... How did it go?"

    "I nearly died of shame!" she answers. "Sam from down the street says the stork brings babies. Sally next door said you can buy babies at the orphanage. Pete in my class says you can buy babies at the hospital."

    Her mother answers laughingly, "But that's no reason to be ashamed."

    "No... but I can't tell them that we were so poor that you and daddy had to make me yourselves!"
  • Pushing The Wrong Way...

    Two boys were struggling with a huge table in a doorway. They pushed and pulled and upped it and downed it until both were exhausted.

    Between gasps for air, one managed to say, "We better give up... because we'll never get this table into the house."

    "Into the house?" screamed the other. "I thought we were moving it out of the house!"
  • Monopoly Money

    Ricky was at the mall and went into a toy shop, picked up a toy plane, gave the shopkeeper Monopoly money and started to leave.

    The shopkeeper told him, "Excuse me little boy, this isn't real money."

    Ricky continued walking out of the shop and didn't reply.

    The shopkeeper repeated himself, and Ricky kept walking.

    The third time the shopkeeper called him, Ricky said "What?"

    The shopkeeper said, "I'm sorry, young man, but this is not real money."

    Ricky looked at the plane in his hands, looked at the shopkeeper and finally said, "And this isn't a real plane."
  • Just a Fart!!!

    Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.

    One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean.

    Then I realized that 3-year-old Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said, "No."

    I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me."

    Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"

    "No," he replied.

    I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?"

    This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled, "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"

    While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!