The teacher asked her class what each wanted to become when they grew up. A chorus of responses came from all over the room.
"A football player."
"A race car driver."
Everyone that is, except Little Johnny. The teacher noticed he was sitting there quiet and still.
So she said to him, "Johnny, what do you want to be when you grow up?"
"Possible" Little Johnny replied.
"Possible?" asked the teacher.
"Yes," Little Johnny said. "My mom is always telling me I'm impossible. So when I get to be big, I want to be possible."
The little boy was sitting on a park bench munching on one chocolate bar after another.
After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all those chocolates isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, make you fat."
The boy replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 chocolate bars at a time?"
The little boy answered, "No, he minded his own damn business!"
Little Emily was complaining to her mother that her stomach hurt.
Her mother replied, "That's because it's empty. Maybe you should try putting something in it."
The next day, the pastor was over at Emily's family's house for lunch.
He mentioned having his head hurt, to which Emily immediately replied, "That's because it's empty. Maybe you should try putting something in it."
My two daughters were having a discussion about family resemblance.
"I look like Mom," said my nine-year-old, "but I have Dad's eyes and Dad's lips."
The six-year-old said, "And I look just like Dad, but I have light hair."
Then she turned to me. "Mom," she asked, "what does Dad have to do with us being born anyway?"
The older sister jumped right in, "Don't be stupid, Christina. Dad is the one who drove Mom to the hospital."