• Just a Fart!!!

    Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.

    One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean.

    Then I realized that 3-year-old Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said, "No."

    I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me."

    Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"

    "No," he replied.

    I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?"

    This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled, "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"

    While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
  • Hiding Out!

    A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not rung in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with a main computer, he phoned the employee's home number and was greeted with a child's whisper, "Hello?"

    "Is your Daddy home?" he asked.

    "Yes," whispered the small voice.

    "May I speak to him?"

    The child whispered, "No."

    Surprised and wanting to talk to an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mummy there?"


    "Well may I speak to her, then?"

    Again the small voice whispered,"No."

    Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"

    "Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

    Wondering what the police would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak to the policeman?"

    "No, he's busy," whispered the child.

    "Busy doing what?"

    "Talking to Mummy and Daddy and the Fireman," came the whispered reply.

    Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background coming down the phone, the boss asked, "What's that noise?"

    "A helicopter," answered the whispering voice.

    "What,s going on there?" demanded the boss, now really apprehensive.

    Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team has just landed a helicopter."

    Alarmed, concerned, and a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

    Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle... "ME!"
  • Stuttering Myths

    A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students.

    "Human beings are the only animals that stutter," she says.

    A little girl raises her hand, "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered."

    The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

    "Well," she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!"

    "That must've been scary," said the teacher.

    'It sure was,' said the little girl. "My kitty raised her back, went 'Ffffff!, Ffffff!, FfffffF' but before she could say... 'F * ck-off !,' the Rottweiler ate her!"

    The teacher had to leave the room.
  • Practical Demonstration

    A Little kid was having a problem with his homework.

    Dad, he asked, "What is the difference between anger and exasperation?"

    "Well, son," said his father, "I'll give you a practical demonstration."

    His father picked up the phone and dialled a number.

    "Hello," said a voice at the other end.

    "Hello," said his father. "Is Melvin there?"

    "There is no one called Melvin here!" the voice replied. "Why don't you look up numbers before you dial them?"

    "You see?" said kid's father. "That man was not at all happy with our call. Now watch this!"'

    He then dialled the number again, and says, "Hello, is Melvin there?"

    "Now look here!" the voice said angrily. "I told you there is no Melvin here! You have got a lot of nerve calling again!"

    "Did you hear that?" kid's father asked. "That was anger. Now, I will show you what exasperation is!"

    He dialled once again. And on hearing the voice at the other end, he said, "Hello! This is Melvin. Have there been any calls for me?"