• Name That Baby

    When Donna found out she was pregnant, she told the good news to anyone who would listen.

    But her 4-year-old son overheard some of his parents' private conversations.

    One day when Donna and her 4-year-old were shopping a woman asked the little boy if he was excited about the new baby.

    "Yes!" the 4-year-old said, "and I know what we are going to name it, too. If it's a girl we're going to call her Christina, and if it's another boy we're going to call it quits!"
  • How To Get Into Heaven

    I was testing the children in my Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.

    I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven"?

    "NO"! the children answered.

    "If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"

    Again, the answer was, "NO!!!"

    By now I was starting to smile. Hey, this was fun!

    "Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?"

    Again, they all answered, "NO!!!"

    I was just bursting with pride for them. Well, I continued, "then how can I get into Heaven???"

    A six-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE FRICKIN' DEAD!"
  • Can't Find It...

    A little boy was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom. So he raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused. Of course the teacher said yes, but asked him to be quick.

    Five minutes later he returned, looking more desperate and embarrassed.

    "I can't find it," he admitted.

    The teacher sat him down and drew him a little diagram to where he should go and asked him if he will be able to find it now.

    The boy looked at the diagram, said "yes" and goes on his way.

    Five minutes later he returned to the class room and says to the teacher, "I can't find it."

    Frustrated, the teacher asked Jon, a boy who has been at the school for awhile, to help him find the bathroom. So two fellas go together and five minutes later they both return and sit down at their seats.

    The teacher asks Jon, "Well, did you find it?"

    Jon is quick with his reply, "Oh sure, he just had his boxer shorts on backwards."
  • No Longer a Virgin

    Pauly's family is at dinner, the 10-year-old daughter isn't eating much, and she just keeps her head down.

    After a few minutes, she says, "I have something to tell you."

    Everyone gets silent and they all listen.

    "I am no longer the virgin I used to be." And she begins to cry.

    A long silence, and Mr Pauly speaks to Mrs Pauly, "It's your fault, you know, always dressed and made up like a tramp. You think that's an example for your daughter? Always wallowing on the sofa; it's just terrible; that's why problems like this come up!"

    Then Mrs Pauly lights in on Mr Pauly, "And you! Do you think that you're a good example? Wasting your scrawny paycheck with your drinking buddies who even come drunk into the house - do you think that's a good example for a little girl 10 years old?"

    Then Pauly charges back in, "And her sister, that no-good, with her hairy and dope-crazed boyfriend, always with their hands all over each other - you think that's a good example too?"

    And it goes on and on, back and forth. Then the grandmother hugs the little girl to console her and asks, "Now, darling, how did this happen?

    And the little girl answers, trying to hold back her sobbing, "Father Michael chose another girl to be the Virgin in the Christmas pageant this year."
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