• Can't Find It...

    A little boy was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom. So he raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused. Of course the teacher said yes, but asked him to be quick.

    Five minutes later he returned, looking more desperate and embarrassed.

    "I can't find it," he admitted.

    The teacher sat him down and drew him a little diagram to where he should go and asked him if he will be able to find it now.

    The boy looked at the diagram, said "yes" and goes on his way.

    Five minutes later he returned to the class room and says to the teacher, "I can't find it."

    Frustrated, the teacher asked Jon, a boy who has been at the school for awhile, to help him find the bathroom. So two fellas go together and five minutes later they both return and sit down at their seats.

    The teacher asks Jon, "Well, did you find it?"

    Jon is quick with his reply, "Oh sure, he just had his boxer shorts on backwards."
  • No Longer a Virgin

    Pauly's family is at dinner, the 10-year-old daughter isn't eating much, and she just keeps her head down.

    After a few minutes, she says, "I have something to tell you."

    Everyone gets silent and they all listen.

    "I am no longer the virgin I used to be." And she begins to cry.

    A long silence, and Mr Pauly speaks to Mrs Pauly, "It's your fault, you know, always dressed and made up like a tramp. You think that's an example for your daughter? Always wallowing on the sofa; it's just terrible; that's why problems like this come up!"

    Then Mrs Pauly lights in on Mr Pauly, "And you! Do you think that you're a good example? Wasting your scrawny paycheck with your drinking buddies who even come drunk into the house - do you think that's a good example for a little girl 10 years old?"

    Then Pauly charges back in, "And her sister, that no-good, with her hairy and dope-crazed boyfriend, always with their hands all over each other - you think that's a good example too?"

    And it goes on and on, back and forth. Then the grandmother hugs the little girl to console her and asks, "Now, darling, how did this happen?

    And the little girl answers, trying to hold back her sobbing, "Father Michael chose another girl to be the Virgin in the Christmas pageant this year."
  • Raffle Ticket

    I remember once when my dad gave me money to pay the electricity bill but instead I bought a raffle ticked for a brand new car.

    When I got home, I explained to my dad what I did and he beat the crap out of me.

    But the next day, when my dad woke up and opened the door, outside my house was a brand new car.

    We all cried especially me... because the car was from the electricity company, they were there to cut off the electricity... and my dad beat the crap out of me again
  • It's Snack Time!

    A guy was packing for a business trip and his five year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed helping her Daddy pack for his big trip.

    At one point she giggled and said, "Daddy, Daddy... Look at this," and stuck out two of her little fingers.

    Trying to keep her entertained and enjoying her playful mood, he reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in his mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers, nom nom nom..." pretending to eat them and then went back to packing for his trip.

    He couldn't help but notice how quiet she had become and looked up to see his is daughter standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated and bewildered look on her face.

    He looked at her and said, "What's wrong, honey? Daddy was just playing. I would never really eat your fingers!" and let out a little giggle.

    She replied, "I know you were just playing Daddy but what happened to my boogie?
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