While walking through the woods one day, I was surprised to hear a child's voice. I followed the sound, trying in vain to understand the child's words. When I spotted a girl perched on a rock, I realized why her words had made no sense: She was repeating the alphabet.
"Why are you saying your ABC's so many times?" I asked her.
The child replied, "I'm saying my prayers."
I couldn't help but laugh. "Prayers? All I hear is the alphabet."
Patiently the child explained, "Well, I don't know all the words, so I give God the letters. He knows what I'm trying to say."
The little boy was sitting on a park bench munching on one chocolate bar after another.
After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all those chocolates isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, make you fat."
The boy replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.'
The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 chocolate bars at a time?"
The little boy answered, "No, he minded his own damn business!"
Timmy and Tina were sitting down to eat their supper with the baby sitter when 6 year old Timmy saw the baby sitter sit down in his father's seat.
"You can't sit in my father's seat!" Timmy exclaimed.
"Your father is not home," the baby sitter replied, matter-of-factly. "Since I'm responsible for you while he's gone, I can sit here. Today I'm the boss."
Tina, the 4 year old, quickly replied, "If you're the boss, you have to sit over there in Mommy's chair!"
An elderly man took his little grandson for a walk around the local cemetery.
Pausing before one gravestone, he said, "There lies a very honest man. He died owing me 50 pounds, but he struggled to the end to pay off his debts and if anyone has gone to Heaven, he has."
They walked on a bit farther and then came to another grave.
The old man pointed to the gravestone and said, "Now, there's a different type of man altogether. He owed me 60 pounds and he died without ever trying to pay me back. If anyone has gone to Hell, he has."
The little boy thought for awhile and then said, "You know, Granddad, you are very lucky."
"Why"? asked the old man in surprise.
"Well, whichever place you go to, you'll have some money waiting when you get there!"