• Stuttering Myths

    A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students.

    "Human beings are the only animals that stutter," she says.

    A little girl raises her hand, "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered."

    The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

    "Well," she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!"

    "That must've been scary," said the teacher.

    'It sure was,' said the little girl. "My kitty raised her back, went 'Ffffff!, Ffffff!, FfffffF' but before she could say... 'F * ck-off !,' the Rottweiler ate her!"

    The teacher had to leave the room.
  • Practical Demonstration

    A Little kid was having a problem with his homework.

    Dad, he asked, "What is the difference between anger and exasperation?"

    "Well, son," said his father, "I'll give you a practical demonstration."

    His father picked up the phone and dialled a number.

    "Hello," said a voice at the other end.

    "Hello," said his father. "Is Melvin there?"

    "There is no one called Melvin here!" the voice replied. "Why don't you look up numbers before you dial them?"

    "You see?" said kid's father. "That man was not at all happy with our call. Now watch this!"'

    He then dialled the number again, and says, "Hello, is Melvin there?"

    "Now look here!" the voice said angrily. "I told you there is no Melvin here! You have got a lot of nerve calling again!"

    "Did you hear that?" kid's father asked. "That was anger. Now, I will show you what exasperation is!"

    He dialled once again. And on hearing the voice at the other end, he said, "Hello! This is Melvin. Have there been any calls for me?"
  • Slow Mom, Fast Mom!

    Little Freddie's mother was in the hospital, and he was paying a visit to see his new brother. He wandered into an adjoining room which was occupied by a woman with a broken leg.

    "Hello," he said. "How long have you been here?"

    "Oh, about a month."

    "Let me see your baby," he then asked.

    "Why, I haven't a baby," the woman replied.

    "Gee, you're slow," said Freddie. "My mama's been here just two days and she's got one."
  • Don't Mess with Kids

    An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

    The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

    "Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no GOD, or no Heaven or Hell , or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly.

    "OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty , but a horse produces clumps . Why do you suppose that is?"

    The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

    To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss why there is no GOD, or no Heaven or Hell , or no life after death, when you don't know shit ?"

    And then she went back to reading her book.
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