Children Jokes

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No One Slept with Mom

Ever notice how a 4-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults ?

Several years ago, I returned home from a trip just when a storm hit, with crashing thunder and severe lightning. As I came into my bedroom about 2 a.m., I found my two children in bed with my wife, Karey, apparently scared by the loud storm. I resigned myself to sleep in the guest bedroom that night.

The next day, I talked to the children and explained that it was OK to sleep with Mom when the storm was bad, but when I was expected home, please don't sleep with Mom that night.

They said OK.

After my next trip several weeks later, Karey and the children picked me up in the terminal at the appointed time. Since the plane was late, everyone had come into the terminal to wait for my plane's arrival, along with hundreds of other folks waiting for their arriving passengers.

As I entered the waiting area, my son saw me, and came running shouting, "Hi, Dad! I've got some good news!"

As I waved back, I said loudly, "What's the good news?"

Alex shouted, "Nobody slept with Mommy while you were away this time!"

The airport became very quiet, as everyone in the waiting area looked at Alex, then turned to me, and then searched the rest of the area to see if they could figure out exactly who his Mom was.

Being Possible !!!

The teacher asked her class what each wanted to become when they grew up. A chorus of responses came from all over the room.

"A football player."

"A doctor."

"An astronaut."

"The president."

"A fireman."

"A teacher."

"A race car driver."

Everyone that is, except Little Johnny. The teacher noticed he was sitting there quiet and still.

So she said to him, "Johnny, what do you want to be when you grow up?"

"Possible" Little Johnny replied.

"Possible?" asked the teacher.

"Yes," Little Johnny said. "My mom is always telling me I'm impossible. So when I get to be big, I want to be possible."

Mind Your Own Business!

The little boy was sitting on a park bench munching on one chocolate bar after another.

After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all those chocolates isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, make you fat."

The boy replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."

The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 chocolate bars at a time?"

The little boy answered, "No, he minded his own damn business!"

It's Empty !!!

Little Emily was complaining to her mother that her stomach hurt.

Her mother replied, "That's because it's empty. Maybe you should try putting something in it."

The next day, the pastor was over at Emily's family's house for lunch.

He mentioned having his head hurt, to which Emily immediately replied, "That's because it's empty. Maybe you should try putting something in it."

Quotes

Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.

Trivia

To get maximum juice out of lemons:
Soak lemons in hot water for one hour, and then juice them.

Graffiti

Actor - A man who tries to be everything but himself.