• Pushing The Wrong Way...

    Two boys were struggling with a huge table in a doorway. They pushed and pulled and upped it and downed it until both were exhausted.

    Between gasps for air, one managed to say, "We better give up... because we'll never get this table into the house."

    "Into the house?" screamed the other. "I thought we were moving it out of the house!"
  • Monopoly Money

    Ricky was at the mall and went into a toy shop, picked up a toy plane, gave the shopkeeper Monopoly money and started to leave.

    The shopkeeper told him, "Excuse me little boy, this isn't real money."

    Ricky continued walking out of the shop and didn't reply.

    The shopkeeper repeated himself, and Ricky kept walking.

    The third time the shopkeeper called him, Ricky said "What?"

    The shopkeeper said, "I'm sorry, young man, but this is not real money."

    Ricky looked at the plane in his hands, looked at the shopkeeper and finally said, "And this isn't a real plane."
  • Just a Fart!!!

    Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.

    One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean.

    Then I realized that 3-year-old Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said, "No."

    I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me."

    Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"

    "No," he replied.

    I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?"

    This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled, "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"

    While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
  • Hiding Out!

    A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not rung in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with a main computer, he phoned the employee's home number and was greeted with a child's whisper, "Hello?"

    "Is your Daddy home?" he asked.

    "Yes," whispered the small voice.

    "May I speak to him?"

    The child whispered, "No."

    Surprised and wanting to talk to an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mummy there?"


    "Well may I speak to her, then?"

    Again the small voice whispered,"No."

    Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"

    "Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

    Wondering what the police would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak to the policeman?"

    "No, he's busy," whispered the child.

    "Busy doing what?"

    "Talking to Mummy and Daddy and the Fireman," came the whispered reply.

    Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background coming down the phone, the boss asked, "What's that noise?"

    "A helicopter," answered the whispering voice.

    "What,s going on there?" demanded the boss, now really apprehensive.

    Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team has just landed a helicopter."

    Alarmed, concerned, and a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

    Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle... "ME!"