A girl was crying bitterly.
Mom: What happened dear?
Daughter: Mom do I look like a wicked witch?
Daughter: Are my eyes big as toad?
Daughter: Is my nose flat?
Mom: No baby!
Daughter: Am I fat like a bulldog?
Mom: You have a fine physique, you are a barbie doll!
Daughter: Then why people tell me that you look like your mom?
My son asked me if we could have a tree this Christmas. I told him I didn't want to pay for a tree and that's that.
He wouldn't stop asking though, every five minutes he wanted to know why we couldn't have a tree. In the end I grabbed my axe and stormed out of the house. Ten minuted later I returned with an eight foot Christmas tree.
"Wow," said my son. "You cut that down quick."
"Son," I replied, "I didn't cut it down, I got it from the local shop."
He looked puzzled and said, "Why did you take the axe then?"
"I told you, I didn't want to pay for a Christmas tree."
When I stopped the bus to pick up Chris for preschool, I noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house.
"Is that your grandmother?" I asked.
"Yes," Chris said. "She's come to visit us for Christmas."
"How nice," I said. "Where does she live?"
"At the airport," Chris replied. "Whenever we want her, we just go out there and get her."
In a high school civics class, they were discussing the qualifications for becoming President of the United States. The requirements are pretty simple. The candidate must be a natural born citizen and at least 35 years old.
A blonde girl in the class piped up and began complaining about how unfair it was to require the candidate to be a natural born citizen. In her opinion, that made it impossible for many qualified people to run for the office.
She went on and on, wrapping up her argument with, "What makes a natural born citizen more qualified to be President than one born by C-Section?"