• My Favourite Animal

    Our teacher asked what my favourite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."

    She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.

    I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much.

    I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.

    The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favourite live animal was. I told her it was chicken.

    She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.

    She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

    I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.

    Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders, the Founder of KFC"

    Guess where the f*** I am now..
  • New Librarian

    The new librarian decided that instead of checking out children's books by writing the names of borrowers on the book cards herself, she would have the youngsters sign their own names. She would then tell them they were signing a "Contract" for returning the books on time.

    Her first customer was a second grader, who looked surprised to see a new librarian. He brought four books to the desk and shoved them across to the librarian, giving her his name as he did so.
    The librarian pushed the books back and told him to sign them out.

    The boy laboriously printed his name on each book card and then handed them to her with a look of utter disgust.

    Before the librarian could even start her speech he said, scornfully, "That other librarian we had could write."
  • Where's My Boogie?

    A guy was packing for a business trip and his five year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed helping her Daddy pack for his big trip.

    At one point she giggled and said, "Daddy, Daddy...Look at this," and stuck out two of her little fingers.

    Trying to keep her entertained and enjoying her playful mood, he reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in his mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers, nom nom nom" pretending to eat them and then went back to packing for his trip.

    He couldn't help but notice how quiet she had become and looked up to see his is daughter standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated and bewildered look on her face.

    He looked at her and said, "What's wrong, honey? Daddy was just playing. I would never really eat your fingers!" and let out a little giggle.

    She replied, "I know you were just playing Daddy but what happened to my boogie?"
  • Kids Answers

    As answered by elementary school students:

    Q: How Do You Decide Who To Marry?
    You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
    Alan, age 10

    No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
    Kirsten, age 10

    Q: What is the Right Age To Get Married?
    Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
    Camille, age 10

    No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
    Freddie, age 6

    Q: How Can A Stranger Tell If Two People Are Married?
    You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
    Derrick, age 8

    Q: What Do Your Think Your Mom and Dad Have In Common?
    Both don't want any more kids.
    Lori, age 8

    Q: What Do Most People Do On A Date?
    Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
    Lynnette, age 8

    On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
    Martin, age 10

    Q: What Would You Do On A First Date That Was Turning Sour?
    I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
    Craig, age 9

    Q: When Is It Okay To Kiss Someone?
    When they're rich.
    Pam, age 7

    The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
    Curt, age 7

    The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them & have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
    Howard, age 8

    Q: Is It Better To Be Single or Married?
    It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.

    Anita, age 9

    Q: How Would The World Be Different If People Didn't Get Married?
    There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
    Kelvin, age 8

    Q: How Would You Make a Marriage Work?
    Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck.

    Ricky, age 10