• Most Famous Man

    Most Famous Man
    One day many years ago at a school in South London a teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give $20 to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived."

    An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick." The teacher said, "Sorry Alan, that's not correct."

    Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Andrew." The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either.

    Finally, a Gujarati boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ." The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Jayant, come up here and I'll give you the $20."

    As the teacher was giving Jayant his money, she said, "You know Jayant, since you are Gujarati, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ."

    Jayant replied, "Yes, in my heart I knew it was Lord Krishna, but business is business!"
  • Sad Johnny

    Sad Johnny
    The first day of school was going good for the new teacher and in an attempt to "break the ice" with the little second graders, she began to ask each student what their fathers did for a living.

    "Mary, what does your father do?" asked the teacher.

    Mary replied, "My dad is a mailman".

    "That's great Mary. Every town needs a mailman to deliver the mail," said the teacher.

    "Nancy, what does your father do? asked the teacher again.

    "Oh, he is a mechanic", replied Nancy.

    "That is really great Nancy we need mechanics like your father to keep our cars running," said the teacher.

    Looking in the back of the room she spotted a rather sad looking Johnny. "And, Johnny, what does your daddy do?" asked the teacher.

    "W-well, my daddy died last summer", said Johnny in a broken voice.

    The teacher really felt bad and wondered how she could get herself out of this one. "Well, I'm ah, really, um, am sorry to hear about your daddy Johnny," stammered the teacher. "What did your daddy do before he died?" she asked.

    Johnny calmly replied, "Well, he turned blue, then he shit in his pants."
  • Son of a Bitch

    Son of a Bitch
    A little boy was doing his math homework.

    He said to himself, "Two plus six, that son of a bitch is eight. Three plus four, that son of a bitch is seven...."

    His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"

    The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."

    "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.

    "Yes," he answered.

    Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?"

    The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."

    The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"

    After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
  • Time's Up

    Time's Up
    Little Johnny's father was a pastor in a small church. One day, his father told Little Johnny that a very important bishop was coming and that he would be staying with them.

    Little Johnny became very excited and asked his father if he would get to meet him. His father thought about this and decided that he would let Little Johnny bring the bishop tea in the morning and wake him up. Little Johnny agreed to do this and was very excited.

    His father gave him instructions: first, knock on the door of the bishop’s room and then say to him, "It's the boy, my Lord, it's time to get up."

    Little Johnny was very excited and rehearsed his lines repeating them over and over. Finally the day came and Little Johnny had learned all his lines. He went to the door and knocked.

    He was so excited and nervous though that his lines got mixed up and the boy said, "It's the Lord, my boy, and your time is up!"