• Meanest Dad

    One day three young boys were playing, and talking about their home life with their parents. One little boy said, "It's about time I be getting home, because if I'm late for supper, my Dad will get mad and whip up on me. He's a real mean father."
    The second little boy said, "Your father ain't mean, I got the meanest Dad in the world."
    The first little boy said, "How come you say that?"
    The second little boy said, "Every time I go home, he slaps me if I say something, and if I don't say something he slaps me. Man I just don't know what to do anymore."
    The third little boy said, "Not me, I got the best Dad in the world. He plays with me, and do things with me. He's a real good Dad."
    The first two boys looked at him kind of funny and said, "Do he teach you how to do things too?"
    The third boy said, "He sho' do, he's teaching me how to swim! Every morning he takes me out to the middle of the lake, and let's me swim back to the shore."
    The first two said, almost in unison, "Ain't it kind of hard to swim from the middle of the lake back to the shore?"
    "Nah, that's the easy part, the hard part is getting out of that sack!"
  • Scared!!!

    One day Gramma sent her grandson little Johnnie down to the water hole to get some water to cook dinner.
    As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Gramma's kitchen.
    "Well now, where's my bucket and where's my water?" Gramma asked him.
    "I can't get any water from that water hole, Gramma" exclaimed Johnnie. "There's a BIG ol' alligator down there!"
    "Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnnie. He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!"
    "Well, Gramma," replied Johnnie, "if he's as scared as I am, then that water ain't fit to drink!"
  • Atheist!

    A young woman teacher with obvious liberal tendencies explains to her class of small children that she is an atheist. She asks her class if they are atheists too. Not really knowing what atheism is but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks.
    There is, however, one exception. A beautiful girl named Dolly has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.
    "Because I'm not an atheist."
    Then, asks the teacher, "What are you?"
    "I'm a Christian."
    The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Dolly why she is a Christian.
    "Well, I was brought up knowing and loving Jesus. My mom is a Christian, and my dad is a Christian, so I am a Christian."
    The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"
    She paused, and smiled. "Then," says Dolly, "I'd be an atheist."
  • Christmas prayer

    Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.
    "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE...
    I PRAY FOR A NEW MUSIC SYSTEM...
    I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..."
    His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."
    To which the little brother replied, "I know, but Grandma is!"