• Anger and exasperation

    A young girl who was writing a paper for school came to her father and asked, "Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?"
    The father replied, "It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me show you what I mean."
    With that the father went to the telephone and dialed a number at random. To the man who answered the phone, he said, "Hello, is Joe there?"
    The man answered, "There is no one living here named Joe. Why don't you learn to look up numbers before you dial them?"
    "See," said the father to his daughter. "That man was not a bit happy with our call. He was probably very busy with something and we annoyed him. Now watch...."
    The father dialed the number again. "Hello, is Joe there?" asked the father.
    "Now look herel" came the heated reply. "You just called this number and I told you that there is no Joe here! You've got a lot of nerve calling againl" The receiver slammed down hard.
    The father turned to his daughter and said, "You see, that was anger. Now I'11 show you what exasperation means."
    He again dialed the same number, and when a violent voice roared, "Hello!" the father calmly said, "Hello, this is Joe. Have there been any calls for me?"
  • Getting better!

    A little girl was sitting next to her grandfather as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up and touch his wrinkled cheek. She touched her own cheek after she touched his.
    After a little while of thinking she asked, "Grandpa, did God make you?"
    He looked at her and said, "Yes, sweetheart God made me a long time ago."
    She paused for a few seconds and then asked, "Grandpa, did God make me too?"
    He replied, "Yes, indeed pumpkin, God made you just a little while ago."
    Feeling their respective faces again, she whispered to him, "God's getting better at it, isn't he?"
  • Wrong Detergent!

    Wrong Detergent!
    A young boy, about eight years old, was at the grocery store picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over, and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.
    "Oh, no laundry," the boy said, "I`m going to wash my dog."
    "But you shouldn`t use this to wash your dog. It`s very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he`ll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him."
    But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.
    About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy.
    The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing. "Oh, he died," the boy said.
    The grocer, trying not to be an "I-told-you-so", said he was sorry the dog died but added, "I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog."
    "Well, the boy replied, "I don`t think it was the detergent that killed him."
    "Oh? What was it then?"
    "I think it was the spin cycle!"
  • Proverbs by kids

    A Third grade teacher collected well known proverbs. He gave each kid in the class the first half of the proverb, and asked them to come up with the rest. Here is what the kids came up with:
    Love all, trust ... me.
    No news is ... impossible.
    Strike while the ... bug is close.
    A miss is as good as a ... Mrs.
    A penny saved is ... not much.
    Don`t bite the hand that ... looks dirty.
    You can`t teach an old dog ... math.
    None are so blind as ... Helen Keller.
    The pen is mightier than ... the pigs.
    An idle mind is ... the best way to relax.
    Where there is smoke, there`s ... pollution.
    Better to be safe than .... punch a 5th grader
    Happy is the bride who ... gets all the presents.
    Never underestimate the power of ... termites.
    When the blind lead the blind ... get out of the way.
    If at first you don`t succeed ... get new batteries.
    If you lie down with dogs, you ... will stink in the morning.
    Children should be seen and not ... spanked or grounded.
    You get out of something what you ... see pictured on the box.
    Laugh and the whole world laughs with you. Cry and ... you have to blow your nose.
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