• Christmas prayer

    Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.
    His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."
    To which the little brother replied, "I know, but Grandma is!"
  • Vanishing cream!

    During a dinner party, the hosts' two little kids entered the dining room totally nude and walked slowly around the table.
    The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept the conversation going.
    The guests co-operated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening. After going all the way around the room, the children left.
    As they disappeared out of sight, there was a moment of silence at the table, during which one child was heard to say, "You see, it is Vanishing cream!"
  • Natural childbirth!

    A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth. He asked his parents, "How was I born?"
    "Well honey ..." said the slightly prudish parent, "the stork brought you to us."
    "OH," said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked.
    "Oh, the stork brought us too."
    "Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted.
    "Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the parent.
    Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence:
    "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."
  • Entry to Heaven!

    "If I sold my house, my car and had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?" Robert asked the children in a school class.
    "NO!" the children all answered.
    "If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"
    Again, the answer was, "NO!
    "Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my wife, would that get me into Heaven?" Robert asked them again.
    Again, they all answered, "NO!"
    "Well," Robert continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"
    A five-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD!"