• Stupidest kid!

    A businessman was talking with his barber, when they both noticed a goofy-looking kid bouncing down the sidewalk.
    The barber whispered, "That's Johnnie, one of the stupidest kids you'll ever meet. Here, I'll show you."
    "Hey Johnnie! Come here!" yelled the barber.
    Johnnie came bouncing over "Hello Sir!"
    The barber pulled out a rusty dime and a shiny quarter and told Johnnie he could keep the one of his choice.
    Johnnie looked long and hard at the dime and quarter and then quickly snapped the dime from the barber's hand.
    The barber looked at the businessman and said, "See, I told you."
    After his haircut, the businessman caught up with Johnnie and asked him why he chose the dime.
    Johnnie looked at him in the eye and said, "If I take the quarter, the game is over."
  • Children of Israel

    At the Henry Street Hebrew School, Goldblatt, the new teacher, finished the day's lesson. It was now time for the usual question period.
    "Mr. Goldblatt," announced little Joey, "there's something I can't figure out."
    "What's that Joey?" asked Goldblatt.
    "Well accordin' to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea, right?"
    "Right."
    "An' the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines, right?"
    "Er--right."
    "An' the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?"
    "Again you're right."
    "An' the Children of Israel fought the 'gyptians, an' the Children of Israel fought the Romans, an' the Children of Israel wuz always doin' somethin' important, right?"
    "All that is right, too," agreed Goldblatt. "So what's your question?"
    "What I wanna know is this," demanded Joey. "What wuz all the grown-ups doin"?
  • Praying Johnny!

    Little Johnny was walking along the railroad tracks when suddenly he got his foot caught under one of the railroad ties. He tried to get it out but it was really stuck. As he struggled to free his foot, he heard a noise and turned around. To his horror he saw a train coming.
    Panicked he started to pray, "God, please get my foot out of these tracks and I'll stop being bad!"
    Nothing happened, his foot was still stuck. He looked up to see the train getting closer!
    He prayed again, "God, please get my foot out and I'll stop swearing AND being bad!"
    Still nothing his foot was wedged tight. The train was just seconds away! Little Johnny struggled frantically as the train's horn blared.
    He tried his plea one more time, "God, please, if you get my foot out of the tracks, I'll quit being bad, I'll stop swearing, AND I'll stop trying to look up little Mary's dress."
    Just as the train was about to hit Johnny, his foot broke free and he fell backwards, the train narrowly missing him.
    He got up, dusted himself off, looked toward Heaven and said, "Thanks anyway God, I got it myself."
  • Natural childbirth!

    A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth. He asked his parents, "How was I born?"
    "Well honey ..." said the slightly prudish parent, "the stork brought you to us."
    "OH," said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked.
    "Oh, the stork brought us too."
    "Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted.
    "Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the parent.
    Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence:
    "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."
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