|A young boy, about eight years old, was at the grocery store picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over, and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.|
"Oh, no laundry," the boy said, "I`m going to wash my dog."
"But you shouldn`t use this to wash your dog. It`s very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he`ll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him."
But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.
About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy.
The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing. "Oh, he died," the boy said.
The grocer, trying not to be an "I-told-you-so", said he was sorry the dog died but added, "I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog."
"Well, the boy replied, "I don`t think it was the detergent that killed him."
"Oh? What was it then?"
"I think it was the spin cycle!"
|A Third grade teacher collected well known proverbs. He gave each kid in the class the first half of the proverb, and asked them to come up with the rest. Here is what the kids came up with:|
Love all, trust ... me.
No news is ... impossible.
Strike while the ... bug is close.
A miss is as good as a ... Mrs.
A penny saved is ... not much.
Don`t bite the hand that ... looks dirty.
You can`t teach an old dog ... math.
None are so blind as ... Helen Keller.
The pen is mightier than ... the pigs.
An idle mind is ... the best way to relax.
Where there is smoke, there`s ... pollution.
Better to be safe than .... punch a 5th grader
Happy is the bride who ... gets all the presents.
Never underestimate the power of ... termites.
When the blind lead the blind ... get out of the way.
If at first you don`t succeed ... get new batteries.
If you lie down with dogs, you ... will stink in the morning.
Children should be seen and not ... spanked or grounded.
You get out of something what you ... see pictured on the box.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you. Cry and ... you have to blow your nose.
|Johnnie wanted $100 to buy a remote control car, so he prayed like crazy for two weeks ... but nothing happened.|
Johnnie decided to write God an urgent letter, requesting $100. When the post office received the letter addressed to God, USA, they forwarded the letter to the president.
The president was so amused by the letter that he told his secretary to send Johnnie a $5 bill, figuring this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
When Johnnie received the cash, he was so delighted that he wrote a thank you note which read:
Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that you sent it through Washington, D.C. Next time, don`t do that because, as usual, those jerks took 95%.
|One Sunday morning the pastor noticed little Johnny was standing staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The young man of seven had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up and stood beside him and gazing up at the plaque he said quietly, "Good morning son."|
"Good morning pastor" replied the young man not taking his eyes off the plaque. "Sir, what is this?" Johnny asked.
"Well son, these are all the people who have died in the service", replied the pastor.
Soberly, they stood together staring up at the large plaque. Little Johnny`s voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly, "Which one sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30?"