• Vanishing cream!

    During a dinner party, the hosts' two little kids entered the dining room totally nude and walked slowly around the table.
    The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept the conversation going.
    The guests co-operated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening. After going all the way around the room, the children left.
    As they disappeared out of sight, there was a moment of silence at the table, during which one child was heard to say, "You see, it is Vanishing cream!"
  • Natural childbirth!

    A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth. He asked his parents, "How was I born?"
    "Well honey ..." said the slightly prudish parent, "the stork brought you to us."
    "OH," said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked.
    "Oh, the stork brought us too."
    "Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted.
    "Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the parent.
    Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence:
    "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."
  • Entry to Heaven!

    "If I sold my house, my car and had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?" Robert asked the children in a school class.
    "NO!" the children all answered.
    "If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"
    Again, the answer was, "NO!
    "Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my wife, would that get me into Heaven?" Robert asked them again.
    Again, they all answered, "NO!"
    "Well," Robert continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"
    A five-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD!"
  • Praying Johnny!

    Little Johnny was walking along the railroad tracks when suddenly he got his foot caught under one of the railroad ties. He tried to get it out but it was really stuck. As he struggled to free his foot, he heard a noise and turned around. To his horror he saw a train coming.
    Panicked he started to pray, "God, please get my foot out of these tracks and I'll stop being bad!"
    Nothing happened, his foot was still stuck. He looked up to see the train getting closer!
    He prayed again, "God, please get my foot out and I'll stop swearing AND being bad!"
    Still nothing his foot was wedged tight. The train was just seconds away! Little Johnny struggled frantically as the train's horn blared.
    He tried his plea one more time, "God, please, if you get my foot out of the tracks, I'll quit being bad, I'll stop swearing, AND I'll stop trying to look up little Mary's dress."
    Just as the train was about to hit Johnny, his foot broke free and he fell backwards, the train narrowly missing him.
    He got up, dusted himself off, looked toward Heaven and said, "Thanks anyway God, I got it myself."