• Plus sign!!!

    Little Johnnie's parents had tried everything to help his math grade: tutors, flash cards, "Hooked on Math," special learning centers, everything. Finally, they enrolled him in the local Catholic school.
    The very first day, he came home with a very serious look on his face, went straight to his room, and started studying. His mother was amazed. Books and paper were spread out everywhere and Little Johnnie was hard at work. As soon as dinner was through, he marched right back up to his room without a word and studied some more. This went on for weeks until Little Johnnie proudly brought home his report card and showed it to his parents.
    An A in Math!
    "Johnnie! This is great! I'm so proud of you! Son, what was it? What helped motivate you? Was it the nuns?"
    Johnnie shook his head.
    "Well, then, was it the books? The discipline? The structure? The uniforms? What?"
    Johnnie looked at her and said, "Well, Mom, it's like this. When I saw that guy out in the lobby nailed to a plus sign, I knew they weren't screwing around!"
  • Biggest lie!

    A minister passed a group of teenaged boys sitting on the church lawn.
    "Good Evening, boys. What are you doing?"
    "Nothing much, Pastor," replied the one lad. "We're just seeing who can tell the biggest lie about his sex life."
    "Boys, boys, boys!" intoned the minister. "I'm shocked. When I was your age, I never thought about sex at all."
    The boys looked at each other and then said in unison, "You win, Pastor!"
  • Anger and exasperation

    A young girl who was writing a paper for school came to her father and asked, "Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?"
    The father replied, "It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me show you what I mean."
    With that the father went to the telephone and dialed a number at random. To the man who answered the phone, he said, "Hello, is Joe there?"
    The man answered, "There is no one living here named Joe. Why don't you learn to look up numbers before you dial them?"
    "See," said the father to his daughter. "That man was not a bit happy with our call. He was probably very busy with something and we annoyed him. Now watch...."
    The father dialed the number again. "Hello, is Joe there?" asked the father.
    "Now look herel" came the heated reply. "You just called this number and I told you that there is no Joe here! You've got a lot of nerve calling againl" The receiver slammed down hard.
    The father turned to his daughter and said, "You see, that was anger. Now I'11 show you what exasperation means."
    He again dialed the same number, and when a violent voice roared, "Hello!" the father calmly said, "Hello, this is Joe. Have there been any calls for me?"
  • Getting better!

    A little girl was sitting next to her grandfather as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up and touch his wrinkled cheek. She touched her own cheek after she touched his.
    After a little while of thinking she asked, "Grandpa, did God make you?"
    He looked at her and said, "Yes, sweetheart God made me a long time ago."
    She paused for a few seconds and then asked, "Grandpa, did God make me too?"
    He replied, "Yes, indeed pumpkin, God made you just a little while ago."
    Feeling their respective faces again, she whispered to him, "God's getting better at it, isn't he?"