• Definitely !

    A nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"

    First a little girl says, "The sky is definitely blue."

    The teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can sometimes be gray, or black."
    A second little boy says, "Trees are definitely green."

    "Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown."

    Then little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks, "Does a fart have lumps?"

    The teacher looks horrified and says, "Johnny! Of course not!!!"

    "OK...then I DEFINITELY shit my pants!"
  • Children of Israel

    At the Henry Street Hebrew School, Goldblatt, the new teacher, finished the day's lesson. It was now time for the usual question period.
    "Mr. Goldblatt," announced little Joey, "there's something I can't figure out."
    "What's that Joey?" asked Goldblatt.
    "Well accordin' to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea, right?"
    "Right."
    "An' the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines, right?"
    "Er--right."
    "An' the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?"
    "Again you're right."
    "An' the Children of Israel fought the 'gyptians, an' the Children of Israel fought the Romans, an' the Children of Israel wuz always doin' somethin' important, right?"
    "All that is right, too," agreed Goldblatt. "So what's your question?"
    "What I wanna know is this," demanded Joey. "What wuz all the grown-ups doin"?
  • Reward

    One day Bush was out jogging and accidentally fell from a bridge into a very cold river.
    Three boys, playing along the river, saw the accident. Without a second thought, they jumped in the water and dragged the wet president out of the river.
    After cleaning up he said, "Boys, you saved the President of the United States today. You deserve a reward. You name it, I'll give it to you."
    The first boy said, "Please, I'd like a ticket to Disneyland!"
    "I'll personally hand it to you," said Bush. "I'd like a pair of Nike Air Turbos," the second boy said.
    "I'll buy them myself and give them to you," said Bush. "And I'd like a wheelchair with a stereo in it," said the third boy.
    "I'll personally ... wait a second, son, you're not handicapped!"
    "No, but I will be when my father finds out whom I saved from drowning."
  • Stupidest kid!

    A businessman was talking with his barber, when they both noticed a goofy-looking kid bouncing down the sidewalk.
    The barber whispered, "That's Johnnie, one of the stupidest kids you'll ever meet. Here, I'll show you."
    "Hey Johnnie! Come here!" yelled the barber.
    Johnnie came bouncing over "Hello Sir!"
    The barber pulled out a rusty dime and a shiny quarter and told Johnnie he could keep the one of his choice.
    Johnnie looked long and hard at the dime and quarter and then quickly snapped the dime from the barber's hand.
    The barber looked at the businessman and said, "See, I told you."
    After his haircut, the businessman caught up with Johnnie and asked him why he chose the dime.
    Johnnie looked at him in the eye and said, "If I take the quarter, the game is over."