• Scared!!!

    One day Gramma sent her grandson little Johnnie down to the water hole to get some water to cook dinner.
    As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Gramma's kitchen.
    "Well now, where's my bucket and where's my water?" Gramma asked him.
    "I can't get any water from that water hole, Gramma" exclaimed Johnnie. "There's a BIG ol' alligator down there!"
    "Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnnie. He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!"
    "Well, Gramma," replied Johnnie, "if he's as scared as I am, then that water ain't fit to drink!"
  • Atheist!

    A young woman teacher with obvious liberal tendencies explains to her class of small children that she is an atheist. She asks her class if they are atheists too. Not really knowing what atheism is but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks.
    There is, however, one exception. A beautiful girl named Dolly has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.
    "Because I'm not an atheist."
    Then, asks the teacher, "What are you?"
    "I'm a Christian."
    The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Dolly why she is a Christian.
    "Well, I was brought up knowing and loving Jesus. My mom is a Christian, and my dad is a Christian, so I am a Christian."
    The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"
    She paused, and smiled. "Then," says Dolly, "I'd be an atheist."
  • Christmas prayer

    Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.
    "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE...
    I PRAY FOR A NEW MUSIC SYSTEM...
    I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..."
    His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."
    To which the little brother replied, "I know, but Grandma is!"
  • Vanishing cream!

    During a dinner party, the hosts' two little kids entered the dining room totally nude and walked slowly around the table.
    The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept the conversation going.
    The guests co-operated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening. After going all the way around the room, the children left.
    As they disappeared out of sight, there was a moment of silence at the table, during which one child was heard to say, "You see, it is Vanishing cream!"