• Fastest bird !

    One day Johnny was at church and ask the priest may I go to the bathroom, the priest said.
    "Yes you may."
    Johnny left and headed for the woods. He found a big tree and crouched down to take a dump. Meanwhile, the priest went looking for him in the woods.
    Johnny heard the priest coming, wiped his butt with a leaf and pulled his pants up. Johnny then took his hat off and put it on top of the poop.
    The priest saw him and said, "What do you got underneath there?"
    Johnny hesitated and said, " The fastest bird in the world."
    The priest said, "Oh yeah, let`s see."
    "Ok" Johnny said, "On the count of 3, when I take the hat off, I want you to grab the bird."
    "1 - 2 - 3." Johnny pulled the hat away and the priest grabbed the poop.
    "WOW, that bird is so fast it left the poop behind" said Johnny.
  • Final exam

    The final examination for an English class was two hours long and exam booklets were provided. The teacher was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. A half hour into the exam, Little Johnny came rushing in and asked the teacher for an exam booklet.
    "You`re not going to have time to finish this," the teacher stated sarcastically as he handed him a booklet.
    "Yes I will," replied Little Johnny.
    He then took a seat and began writing. After two hours, the teacher called for the exams, and all the students filed up and handed them in except Johnny, who continued writing. Fifteen minutes later, Little Johnny came up to the teacher who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.
    "No you don`t, I`m not going to accept that. It`s late."
    Little Johnny looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know WHO I am?"
    "No, as a matter of fact I don`t," replied the teacher.
    "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" Little Johnny said again.
    "No, and I don`t care." replied the teacher with an air of superiority.
    "Good," replied Little Johnny, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the room.
  • Animal Noises

    A group of young children were siting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions.
    "Davy, what noise does a cow make?"
    "It goes moo."
    "Alice, what noise does a cat make?"
    "It goes meow."
    "Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?"
    "It goes baaa."
    "Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?"
    "Errr.., it goes.. click!"
  • Surpise gift!!

    Miss Jones is a kindergarten teacher and today is her birthday. As she walked into her classroom one of her students, Dollly, had brought a gift up to her desk.
    "Guess what it is!" said Dolly.
    Knowing that Dolly`s father owned a bookstore she guessed, "A Book?"
    "How did you know?" asked Dolly
    Next, Robert brought a gift up to Miss Smith. "Guess what it is!" said Robert.
    Knowing that his parents owned a florist shop, she guessed, "Flowers?"
    "How did you know ?" asked Robert
    Finally, Johnny brought up a gift for Miss Smith.
    "Guess what it is!" said Johnny.
    Knowing that Johnny`s father owned a liquor store, and seeing that the bag was wet, she placed her fingers on the liquid and then licked them.
    "Rum?" guessed Miss Smith.
    "No" said Johnny.
    She tasted again..."Vodka?" she guessed.
    "No" said Johnny.
    Once again she wet her fingers and tasted, "I know," said Miss Smith, "It`s wine."
    "No!" said Johnny..."it`s a puppy."
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