• The bribe!

    An eight year old boy is walking down the road one day when a car pulls over next to him.
    "If you get in the car," the driver says, "I`ll give you five hundred rupees and a piece of candy."
    The boy refuses and keeps on walking.
    A few moments later, not to take no for an answer, the man driving the car pulls over again.
    "How about thousand rupees and five pieces of candy?"
    The boy tells the man to leave him alone and keeps on walking.
    Still further down the road the man pulls over to the side road.
    "OK," he says, "this is my final offer. I`ll give you five thousand rupees and all the candy you can eat."
    The little boy stops, goes to the car and leans in.
    "Look," he says to the driver. "You bought the Ford, Dad. You`ll have to live with it!"
  • Fastest bird !

    One day Johnny was at church and ask the priest may I go to the bathroom, the priest said.
    "Yes you may."
    Johnny left and headed for the woods. He found a big tree and crouched down to take a dump. Meanwhile, the priest went looking for him in the woods.
    Johnny heard the priest coming, wiped his butt with a leaf and pulled his pants up. Johnny then took his hat off and put it on top of the poop.
    The priest saw him and said, "What do you got underneath there?"
    Johnny hesitated and said, " The fastest bird in the world."
    The priest said, "Oh yeah, let`s see."
    "Ok" Johnny said, "On the count of 3, when I take the hat off, I want you to grab the bird."
    "1 - 2 - 3." Johnny pulled the hat away and the priest grabbed the poop.
    "WOW, that bird is so fast it left the poop behind" said Johnny.
  • Final exam

    The final examination for an English class was two hours long and exam booklets were provided. The teacher was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. A half hour into the exam, Little Johnny came rushing in and asked the teacher for an exam booklet.
    "You`re not going to have time to finish this," the teacher stated sarcastically as he handed him a booklet.
    "Yes I will," replied Little Johnny.
    He then took a seat and began writing. After two hours, the teacher called for the exams, and all the students filed up and handed them in except Johnny, who continued writing. Fifteen minutes later, Little Johnny came up to the teacher who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.
    "No you don`t, I`m not going to accept that. It`s late."
    Little Johnny looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know WHO I am?"
    "No, as a matter of fact I don`t," replied the teacher.
    "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" Little Johnny said again.
    "No, and I don`t care." replied the teacher with an air of superiority.
    "Good," replied Little Johnny, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the room.
  • Animal Noises

    A group of young children were siting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions.
    "Davy, what noise does a cow make?"
    "It goes moo."
    "Alice, what noise does a cat make?"
    "It goes meow."
    "Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?"
    "It goes baaa."
    "Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?"
    "Errr.., it goes.. click!"