|The composition teacher asked the class to write about an unusual event that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up and read his essay.|
It began, "Daddy fell into the well last week..."
"My goodness!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he all right?"
"He must be," said the boy. "He stopped yelling for help yesterday."
|Little Johnnie, on a day when he was being particularly reckless, was playing in the backyard one morning. Soon, some honeybees started swirling around, annoying little Johnnie. He began stomping on them in his temper. His father caught him trampling the honeybees, and after a brief moment of thought said, "That`s it! No honey for you for one month!"|
Later that afternoon, Johnnie pondered upon some butterflies, and soon started catching them and crushing them under his feet. His father again caught him, and after a brief moment of thought, said, "No butter for you for one month!"
Early that evening, Johnnie`s mother was cooking dinner, and got jumpy when cockroaches started scurrying around the kitchen floor. She began stomping on them one by one until all the cockroaches were dead. Johnnie`s mother looked up to find Johnnie and his father standing there watching her.
To which Johnnie said, "Are you going to tell her, daddy, or should I?"
|In school one day the teacher decided in science class she would teach about materials.|
So she stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw material in the world what would it be?"
Little Richie raised his hand and said "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porsche."
The teacher nodded and called on Little Susie .
Little Susie said "I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Ferrari."
The teacher smiled and then called on Little Johnnie.
Little Johnnie stood up and said, "I would want silicon."
The teacher said, "Why Johnnie?"
He responded by saying, "because my mom has two bags of it and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!!"
|One day Johnnie goes up to his mother and asks:"Mom, how old are you?"|
Mom: "That`s a personal question. You don`t ask those kinds of personal questions to women."
"How much do you weigh?"
Mom: "You`re too young to understand that you don`t ask those kind of questions to women."
"Why did Dad leave us?"
Mom: "You`re too young to understand that too, I`ll tell you when you`re older"
So Johnnie goes back to school and tells his friend: "My mom doesn`t want to tell me how old she is or what she weighs. She doesn`t answer any of my questions"
His friend replies: "You should go into her purse and look at her driver`s license. All your questions will be answerd.
Johnnie goes back home and look into his mom`s purse and looks at her driver`s license and goes to his mom:
"Mom, you`re 39 years old."
Mom: "Yeah that`s right I am."
"And you weigh 55 kg."
Mom: "Yupp that`s right."
"One last thing... I know why dad left us."
Mom: "Oh really, why?"
"Because you got an F in sex"