|One day Johnnie goes up to his mother and asks:"Mom, how old are you?"|
Mom: "That`s a personal question. You don`t ask those kinds of personal questions to women."
"How much do you weigh?"
Mom: "You`re too young to understand that you don`t ask those kind of questions to women."
"Why did Dad leave us?"
Mom: "You`re too young to understand that too, I`ll tell you when you`re older"
So Johnnie goes back to school and tells his friend: "My mom doesn`t want to tell me how old she is or what she weighs. She doesn`t answer any of my questions"
His friend replies: "You should go into her purse and look at her driver`s license. All your questions will be answerd.
Johnnie goes back home and look into his mom`s purse and looks at her driver`s license and goes to his mom:
"Mom, you`re 39 years old."
Mom: "Yeah that`s right I am."
"And you weigh 55 kg."
Mom: "Yupp that`s right."
"One last thing... I know why dad left us."
Mom: "Oh really, why?"
"Because you got an F in sex"
|One Saturday morning, a teacher came up with a novel way to motivate her class. She told them that she would read a quote and the first student to correctly identify who said it would receive the rest of the day off.|
She started with, "To err is nature, to rectify error is glory."
Little Suzy instantly jumped up and said, "George Washingotn."
"Congratulations," said the teacher, "you may go home."
The teacher then said, "Ask not what your country can do for you..."
Before she could finish this quote, another gal belts out, "John F. Kennedy."
"Very good," says the teacher, "you may go."
Irritated that he has missed two golden opportunities, Little Johnnie said, "I wish those girls would just shut up."
Upon overhearing this comment, the outraged teacher demanded to know who said it.
Johnnie instantly rose to his feet and said, "Bill Clinton. I`ll see you on Monday."
|A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Johnny what is your problem?"|
Johnny answered, "I`m too smart for the first grade. My sister is in the third grade and I`m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade too!"
The teacher had had enough. She took Johnny to the principal`s office. While Johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.
The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave. The teacher agreed.
Johnny was brought in and the conditions are explained to him and he agrees to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grader should know.
The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Johnny can go to the third grade."
The teacher says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?"
The principal and Johnny both agree.
The teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Johnny, after a moment, "Legs."
Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal`s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Johnny replied, "Pockets."
Teacher: "What word starts with an `F` and ends in `K` that means a lot of excitement?"
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Johnny in the fifth grade, I missed the last three questions myself."
|Mrs. Jones sent her daughter Silvia to buy some groceries at the market. On the way, she met some boys who asked her to climb up a tree and get them some fruit, which she did. She bought the groceries and got back home to her mother.|
Mrs. Jones: “Why did you take so long?”
Silvia: “I met some boys who asked me to climb up a tree and fetch them some fruit.”
Mrs. Jones: “Silvia, you should know that when boys ask you to climb up a tree, all they want is to see your underwear. You shouldn’t have done it.”
Silvia: “Mother, I know. That’s why I took them off before climbing up the tree.”