• Red Roses

    I boarded the train and took my seat. The seat next to me was empty, but not for long. A mother boarded with her 5-year-old daughter sat down in the seat beside me. I offered my seat to the little girl but Mom said no, she'd sit the young one on her lap.

    So here I am holding my roses, now with a little lady straining to see what I was holding.

    "What ya got, mister?" she asked.
    (Mom is getting a bit flustered and tells her to mind her business.)

    I leaned the "package" over a bit and she looks and says loudly, "Ohhhh, ROSES!, who are they for?"
    (Now, Mom is embarrassed and tapping her on the rear telling her to sit down.)

    I said, "They're for my girlfriend."

    She says again with a loud voice, "WOW, pretty RED ones, and a lot of them, too! Man, you really must have f***ed up!"

    Needless to say, nearly everyone on the train was in stitches, except her Mom, who was now desperately trying to assume an innocent shade of invisible.
  • A Little Cup of 'Tea'

    There was a family with one kid, Suzie. One day the mother was out and dad was in charge of Suzie, who just turned three.

    Someone had given her a little 'tea set' as a birthday gift and it was one of her favorite toys.

    Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when Suzie brought him a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. He praised her good "cooking," so she brought him more.

    After several cups of tea and lots of praise from father for such yummy tea, Mom came home.

    "Honey, watch this," said Dad and had her wait in the living room as Suzie brought him another cup of tea.

    Mom waited, and sure enough, Suzie comes down the hall with another cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up. "Isn't she just the cutest?"

    Mom waited until he had polished off yet another cup of 'tea' before asking, "Did you ever think that the only place a baby can get water is the toilet?!"
  • Family Planning

    A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street. The father being modern and well-schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind his hand.

    "That's a serious step," he said, "Have you thought it out completely?"

    "Sure," his young son answered. "We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers. It's right across the street, so I can run home if I get lonely in the night."

    "How about transportation?" the father asked.

    "I have my wagon and we both have our tricycles," the little boy answered.

    The boy had answer to every question the father raise.

    Finally, in exasperation, the father asked, "What about babies? When you're married, you're liable to have babies, you know."

    "We've thought about that too", the little boy replied. "We're not going to have any babies. Every time she lays an egg, I'm going to step on it."
  • A Difficult Question!

    A little boy walks in to the kitchen one Sunday morning while his dad is reading the paper.

    "Where does poo come from?" he asks.

    The father feeling a little perturbed that his 5-year-old son is already asking difficult questions thinks for a moment and says, "Well you know we just ate breakfast?" "Yes," answers the boy.

    "Well the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take out all the good stuff, and then whatever is left over comes out of our butts when we go to the bathroom, and that is poo."

    The little boy looks perplexed, and stares at him in stunned silence for a few seconds and asks. "And Tigger?"