• Wise old man?

    Tommy`s house is packed with relatives for Christmas dinner. Grandpa calls 6 year old Tommy and starts asking about school, girlfriends and other stuff he can think of. After a while, grandpa notices that Tommy is loosing interest in the conversation so he pulls out two bills from his wallet to see if he can keep him interested. A ten and a twenty dollar bill. He shows both bills to Tommy and tells him that he can keep any one he chooses. Tommy reaches over and grabs the ten dollar bill.
    Grandpa is pretty surprised and upset about the unwise decision his grandchild made, pulls out another ten dollar bill to see if it was a mistake. Again, he tells Tommy to take one of the bills and keep it.
    Tommy grabs the other ten. Grandpa again is surprised and upset. He takes Tommy over to one of the uncles and shows him how dumb Tommy is in choosing the ten over the twenty. Grandpa goes on and on showing everyuncle and cousin and each time Tommy chooses the ten over the twenty. Grandpa finally shows the stunt to daddy. Daddy s quite surprise but doesn`t pay too much attention at the moment.
    A few hours later, daddy who is very concerned about Tommy`s poor decision, walks up to him and asks him if he knows the difference between a ten dollar bill and a twenty.
    "Of course," answers Tommy.
    "So why did you always choose the ten over the twenty?" asks dad.
    Tommy, with a wide smile answers, "Well dad, if I would have chosen the first twenty dollar bill, do you think grandpa would have played the game fifteen more times?"
  • Where is Jesus?

    A Sunday school teacher of preschoolers was concerned that her students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. She wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that he grew up, etc.
    So she asked her class, "Where is Jesus today?"
    Steven raised his hand and said, "He`s in heaven."
    Mary was called on and answered, "He`s in my heart."
    Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know! He`s in our bathroom!!!"
    The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. Finally, she gathered her wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.
    Little Johnny said, "Well...every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, "Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!?"
  • Definitely...

    Nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word Definitely in a sentence?"
    First a little girl says "The sky is definitely blue"
    Teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be gray, or orange..."
    Second little boy..."Trees are definitely green"
    "Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown."
    Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks:
    "Does a fart have lumps?"
    The teacher looks horrified and says... "Johnny! Of course not!!!"
    “OK...then I DEFINITELY shit my pants..."
  • Standing stupid?

    A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you`re stupid, stand up!"
    After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you`re stupid, Little Johnny?"
    "No, ma`am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"