• Being Multilingual

    A Swiss guy, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Englishmen are waiting.

    "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he says.

    The two Englishmen just stare at him.

    "Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?"

    The two continue to stare.

    "Parlare Italiano?"

    No response.

    "Hablan ustedes Espanol?"

    Still nothing.

    The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted.
    v The first Englishman turns to the second and says, "Maybe we should learn a foreign language...."

    "Why?" says the other, "That bloke knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good."
  • British Hospitality

    Imran, a Pakistani citizen aged 72, is visiting London for the first time. He decides to skip the afternoon siesta and explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, and occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the lads, and have a pint of Guinness.

    After a while, he finds himself in a very high-class neighbourhood. Big, stately residences... no pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all... no public toilets. He really, really has to go, after all those Guinness beers and all that trouble with his prostate.

    Imran finds a narrow side street with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem.

    As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London bobby who says, "I say, sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know."

    "I'm very sorry, officer," replies Imran, "but I really, really HAVE TO GO, and I just can't find a public toilet."

    "Ah, yes," said the bobby, "Just follow me."

    He leads him to a back delivery alley, then along a wall to a gate, which he opens. "In there," points the bobby. "Whiz away, anywhere you want."

    Imran enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen. There are manicured lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom. Since he had the bobby's blessing, he unburdens himself and is greatly relieved.

    As he goes back through the gate, he says to the bobby, "That was really decent of you. Is that what you call 'British hospitality'?"

    "No sir," replied the bobby, "that is what we call the Pakistan High Commission and it does not come under English law !!!"
  • The Brave Patient

    A Sindhi went to a dentist for tooth extraction but first enquired about the cost. Dentist said Rs 1200, the Sindhi thought that was too much.

    After some thought, he asked about cheaper methods. The dentist said, "Yes, it can be done without anesthesia and will cost only Rs 300, but it would be very very painful."

    Sindhi said, "OK Doc, let's do it without anesthesia."

    The dentist removed the tooth without anesthesia. During the entire procedure, the Sindhi sat quietly, even smiling a little.

    The dentist was not only surprised but was quite impressed and said, "I have never seen such a brave patient. I don't even want my fees, here take Rs 500 as a reward instead, you've taught me such a powerful lesson today about mastering one's pain!!!"
    In the evening he met his fellow dentists and told everyone about this amazing Sindhi patient. One doctor jumped up and shouted, "That ×%#@ Sindhi first came to me, I gave him anesthesia and asked him to wait outside for half an hour! After half an hour when I called for him, he had left!!
  • Hoya! Hoya!

    A politician gives a stump speech in an Indian reservation, trying to garner the Native American ballot.

    "If elected, I promise better education for Native Americans," he says.

    The crowd goes wild, calling out: "Hoya! Hoya!"

    Guy doesn't know what the word means, but he figures, hey, they look excited, so he goes on.

    "I promise to propose legislation permitting a casino to be built on this reservation," he says.

    The crowd gets even more frenzied, and keeps shouting "Hoya!" over and over.

    Encouraged by the cheers, he finishes his speech, "And if elected, I promise to ensure better health care and employment options for Native Americans!"

    The crowd is at a fever pitch, stamping their feet and yelling "Hoya! Hoya! Hoya!"

    His speech finished, the guy shakes some hands, kisses some babies, and decides to go on a tour of the reservation before hitting the campaign trail again.

    Guy comes across a huge herd of cattle, and says to his guide, "I was raised on a ranch, and I've always loved cattle. Mind if I go over and get a closer look?"

    "Sure," says the guide, "but be careful not to step in the hoya."