• Language Barriers

    A Chinese man boarded a flight to Chicago and promptly sat down on the first seat he encountered. He was soon told that seat was reserved for flight attendants.

    With his limited English he did not fully understand what he was told but hand signals soon got him to move a little further back.

    Soon there was another person persuading him to move out of first class. Again he moved further back. There was yet another discussion and he took no further chances and went to the very last seat in the tourist section.

    Some time later a flight attendant asked him if he was 'for coffee'?

    Furious he replied, "You foh coffee, I stayah hee."
  • Birmingham Arabs

    A young Arab boy asks his dad, "Wat are you wearing on your head?"

    The father said, "Why, my son, it is a 'chechia.' In the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun."

    "And what is the long flowing robe you are wearing?" asked the boy.

    "Oh, my son!" exclaimed the father, "It is very simple. This is a 'djbellah.' As I have told you, in the desert it is not only very hot, but the sand is always blowing. My djbellah protects my entire body."

    The son then asked, "But Father, what about those ugly shoes you have on your feet?"

    "These are 'babouches' my son," the father replied. You must understand that although the desert sands are very beautiful, they are also extremely hot. These babouches keep us from burning our feet."

    Son asks, "What is that black tent mom and sister are wearing ?"

    Father, "It's called a burkha, it helps the hot desert sand from hitting the face and body during a sandstorm."

    "So tell me then," added the boy.

    "Yes, my son..."

    "Why are we living in Birmingham and still wearing all this shit?"
  • Water Landing

    A plane made an emergency landing on water. The stewardess asked the passengers to slide down to the lifeboats, but the passengers refused.

    The stewardess then asked the captain to help.

    The captain being very knowledgeable and experienced, guided her:
    Tell the Americans this is an ADVENTURE.
    Tell the British this is an HONOUR.
    Tell the French this is a ROMANTIC activity, and tell the Germans this is the LAW.
    Tell the Japanese this is an ORDER, and everyone will be sorted out.

    Stewardess: Can I convince the Pakistanis ???

    Captain: Yes dear, just whisper, 'This is a suicide mission'.

    And what about the Singaporeans? stewardess persisted.

    The captain, taking a deep breath, patiently explained: You need not tell the Singaporeans anything, my dear. Once they see a QUEUE , they will join it without questions.

    Stewardess remembered the flight had some passengers from India.
    And Captain, what about Indians, she asked.

    The captain laughed and said: Easy. Just tell the Indians this activity is FREE.
  • Pakistani Hell

    A man dies and goes to hell. Once there, he finds that there is a different hell for each country, so he tries to seek out the least painful one.

    At the door to German Hell, he is told: "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

    He does not like the sound of that, so he checks out American Hell, Russian Hell and many more. They are all similarly gruesome. However, at Pakistani Hell a long line of people is waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?"

    He is told: "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Pakistani devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

    "But that's the same as the others," says the man. "Why are so many people waiting to get in?"

    "Because of the power cuts, the electric chair does not work. The nails were paid for but never supplied, so the bed is comfortable. And the Pakistani devil used to be a civil servant, so he comes in, signs his time sheet and goes back home for private business."