• A Gujarati Funeral

    A family in Gujarat was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother (Ba) arrived from the US. It was sent by one of the daughters. The dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it when they opened the lid; they found a letter on top addressed to her brothers and sisters:

    Dear Chandrakantbhai, Arvindbhai, Neetaben and Varsha,
    I am sending Ba's body to you, since it was her wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in GUJARAT.

    Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leave is consumed.

    You will find inside the coffin, under Ba's body, cans of cheese, 10 packets of Tobler chocolates and 8 packets of Badam (peanuts) please divide these among all of you.

    On Ba's feet you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes (size 10) for Mohan. There are also 2 pairs of shoes for Radha's and Lakshmi's sons. Hope the sizes are correct.

    Ba is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size is for Mohan.Just distribute the rest among yourselves. The 2 new Jeans that Ba is wearing are for the boys.

    The Swiss watch that Reema wanted is on Ba's left wrist. Shanta masi, Ba is wearing the necklace, earrings and ring that you asked for. Please take them off her.

    The 6 white cotton socks that Ba is wearing must be divided among my nephews. Please distribute all these fairly.

    Love Neeta.
    PS: If anything more required let me know soon as Bapuji is also not feeling too well nowadays...
  • Patel, Patel, Patel and Patel

    A firm of solicitors in Mumbai go under the name of Patel, Patel, Patel and Patel.

    The office phone rang and the voice at the other end asked, "May I speak to Mr Patel?"

    "Mr Patel is not in his seat."

    "In that case can I speak to the other Mr Patel?"

    "The other Mr Patel is out of station."

    "Then put me on to the third Mr Patel."

    "Sorry, the third Mr Patel has gone out for lunch."

    "Okay then, I will speak to the last Mr Patel."

    "Patel speaking."
  • Market Fluctuations!!!

    I was standing in a small queue. There was a laday of Japanese descent in front of me she was there to exchange Yen for Dollars. She was a little irritated.

    She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunad dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunad ninty? Why it change?"

    The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations!"

    The Japanese lady said, "Fluc you white people, too!"
  • Mallu Jokes...

    Mallu jokes are in town!!!!!!!

    What is the tax on a Mallu's income called?
    Ingum Dax.

    Where did the Malayali study?
    In the ko-liage.
    Why did the Malayali not go to ko-liage today?
    He is very bissi.

    Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket?
    To go to Thuubai, zimbly to meet his ungle in Gelff.

    Why do Malayalis go to the Gelff?
    To yearn meney.

    What did the Malayali do when the plane caught fire?
    He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.

    How does a Malayali spell moon?
    MOON - Yem Woh yet another Woh and Yen.

    What is Malayali management graduate called?
    Yem Bee Yae.

    What does a Malayali do when he goes to America ?
    He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.

    What does a Malayali use to commute to office everyday?
    An Oto.

    Where does he pray?
    In a Temble, Charch and a Maask.

    Who is Bruce Lee's best friend?
    A Malaya-Lee of coarse.

    Name the only part of the werld, where Malayalis dont werk hard?

    Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala?
    Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and re-tying the lungi.

    Why did Saddam Hussain attack Kuwait?
    He had a Mallu baby-sitter, who always used to say 'KEEP QUWAIT... KEEP QUWAIT'.

    What is the Latest Malayali Punch Line?
    "Frem Tea Shops To Koll Cenders, We Are Yevery Where"

    Why aren't Mallus included in hockey and football teams?
    Coz Whenever they get a corner, they set up a tea shop.

    Now pass it on to 5 Mallus to get a free saamble of kokanet oil.
    Pass it on 10 Mallus to get a free pack of Benana Chibbs....