• Don't Mess With a Gujju

    A Gujju bought a well from a Jew.

    The next day while on his way to market he met the Jew who told him, "Brother I have sold the well to you but I have not sold the water,if you use the water you will have to pay for it."

    The Gujju replied, "In fact I was planning to come to your place and ask you to empty the water and if you don't do it than you will have to pay the rent for the water."
  • Retired Gujaritis

    Four retired guys are walking down a street in London. They turn a corner and see a sign that says, Old Timers Bar - ALL DRINKS 10p. They look at each other and then go in, thinking, this is too good to be true.

    The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, gentlemen?"

    There's a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a pint of bitter. In no time the bartender serves up four frothing pints of bitter, and says, "That'll be 10p each, please."

    The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40p, finish their pints, and order another round.

    Again, four excellent pints are produced, with the bartender again saying, "That's 40p, please."

    They pay the 40p, but their curiosity gets the better of them. They've each had two pints and haven't even spent a 1 Pound yet.

    Finally one of them says, "How can you afford to serve a pint of bitter as good as this for a 10p a piece?"

    "I'm a retired tailor," the bartender says, and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery Jackpot for Pound 25 Million Pounds and decided to open this place. Every drink costs 10p. wine, liquor, beer; it's all the same."

    "Wow! That's some story!" one of the men says.

    As the four of them sip at their pints of beer, they can't help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in front of them and haven't ordered anything the whole time they've been there.

    Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the bartender, "What's with them?"

    The bartender says, "They're retired Gujaratis from Wembley.... They're waiting for Happy Hour......... when drinks are half-price!!!"
  • A Sports Mechanic?

    Big Lorenzo, an Italian fella, is bragging to his friends about his sons.

    "I'ma so prouda my oldest son. He maka fifty thousand dollar evra year. Hesa Engineer!"

    "I even more prouda ma second son. He maka five hundred thousand dollar a year. Hesa Doctor!"

    "But, I'ma da proudest a ma youngest son. He maka Five million dollar a year. Hesa Sports Mechanic!"

    Paolo, his friend asks, "What's a Sports Mechanic?"

    Lorenzo replies, "Wella, he can fixa everytin. He fixa da horseraces, he fixa da football games he fixa da boxin matcha..."
  • The Indian Chief

    An old Indian chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two US government officials sent to interview him.

    "Chief Two Eagles," asked one official, "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his material wealth. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done."

    The chief nodded that it was so.

    The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"

    The chief stared at the government officials for over a minute and then calmly replied, "When white man found the land, Indians were running it. No taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, women did all the work, medicine man free, Indian man spent all day hunting and fishing, all night having fun."

    Then the chief leaned back and said, "White man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that!"
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