|On a rain-soaked night, an infant tumble over the railings of the Howrah bridge and fell into the Hooghly river below. The weather did not prevent hundreds of Calcuttans from flocking over the rails and watching the proceedings, but no one attempted to save the drowning child. At last an old American tourist jumped in to the water and did the saving. Later, when he was being interviewed by the radio and T.V,; complimented on his bravery and asked to say something; he roared at them saying, "Bring forward the rascal who pushed me from behind."|
|A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously. So the journalist goes down to the wall, and introduces herself to the old man. She asks: "You come everyday to the wall. How long have you done that and what are you praying for?" The old man replies, "I have come here to pray every day for 25 years. In the morning I pray for world peace and then for the brotherhood of man. I go home have a cup of tea, and I come back and pray for the eradication of illness and disease from the earth." The journalist is amazed. "How does it make you feel to come here every day for 25 years and pray for these things?" she asks. The old man replies, calmly: "Like I m talking to a wall."|
|Jewish Mothers don t differ from any other in the world when it comes to bragging about their sons. One Mother, trying to out-do another when it came to opportunities available to their just graduated-from-college sons said, "My Irvin has had so many fine interviews, his resume is now in its fifth printing."|
|Jewish Rules 1. Never take a front-row seat at a bris.|
2. If you can t say something nice, say it in Yiddish.
3. The High Holidays have nothing to do with marijuana.
4. Always whisper the names of diseases.
5. One mitzvah can change the world; two will just make you tired.
6. Never leave a restaurant empty-handed.
7. The important Jewish holidays are the ones on which alternate-side-of-the-street parking is suspended.
8. A bad matzoh ball makes a good paperweight.
9. Without Jewish mothers, who would need therapy?
10. If you have to ask the price, you can t afford it. But if you can, make sure you tell everybody what you paid.
11. The only good thing more important than a good education is a good parking spot at the mall.
12. It s not who you know, it s who you know that had a nose job.
13. After the destruction of the Second Temple, God created Loehmann s.
14. WASPs leave and never say goodbye. Jews say goodbye and never leave.
15. If you don t eat it, it will kill me.
16. Anything worth saying is worth repeating a thousand times.
17. There comes a time in every man s life when he must stand up and tell his mother that he is an adult. This usually happens at around age fourty five.