• Can you relate ?

    A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously. So the journalist goes down to the wall, and introduces herself to the old man. She asks: "You come everyday to the wall. How long have you done that and what are you praying for?" The old man replies, "I have come here to pray every day for 25 years. In the morning I pray for world peace and then for the brotherhood of man. I go home have a cup of tea, and I come back and pray for the eradication of illness and disease from the earth." The journalist is amazed. "How does it make you feel to come here every day for 25 years and pray for these things?" she asks. The old man replies, calmly: "Like I m talking to a wall."
  • Ode to the Jewish Mother

    Jewish Mothers don t differ from any other in the world when it comes to bragging about their sons. One Mother, trying to out-do another when it came to opportunities available to their just graduated-from-college sons said, "My Irvin has had so many fine interviews, his resume is now in its fifth printing."
  • Jewish Rules

    Jewish Rules 1. Never take a front-row seat at a bris.
    2. If you can t say something nice, say it in Yiddish.
    3. The High Holidays have nothing to do with marijuana.
    4. Always whisper the names of diseases.
    5. One mitzvah can change the world; two will just make you tired.
    6. Never leave a restaurant empty-handed.
    7. The important Jewish holidays are the ones on which alternate-side-of-the-street parking is suspended.
    8. A bad matzoh ball makes a good paperweight.
    9. Without Jewish mothers, who would need therapy?
    10. If you have to ask the price, you can t afford it. But if you can, make sure you tell everybody what you paid.
    11. The only good thing more important than a good education is a good parking spot at the mall.
    12. It s not who you know, it s who you know that had a nose job.
    13. After the destruction of the Second Temple, God created Loehmann s.
    14. WASPs leave and never say goodbye. Jews say goodbye and never leave.
    15. If you don t eat it, it will kill me.
    16. Anything worth saying is worth repeating a thousand times.
    17. There comes a time in every man s life when he must stand up and tell his mother that he is an adult. This usually happens at around age fourty five.