• Height of Automation

    Hello! Is this Gordon's Pizza?

    No sir, it's Google's Pizza.

    Did I dial the wrong number?

    No sir, Google bought the pizza store.

    Oh, alright - then I'd like to place an order please.

    Okay sir, do you want the usual?

    The usual? You know what my usual is?

    According to the caller ID, the last 15 times you've ordered a 12-slice with double-cheese, sausage, and thick crust.

    Okay - that's what I want this time too.

    May I suggest that this time you order an 8-slice with ricotta, arugula, and tomato instead?

    No, I hate vegetables.

    But your cholesterol is not good.

    How do you know?

    Through the subscribers guide. We have the results of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

    Maybe so, but I don't want the pizza you suggest - I already take medicine for high cholesterol.

    But you haven't taken the medicine regularly. 4 months ago you purchased from Drugsale Network a box of only 30 tablets.

    I bought more from another drugstore.

    It's not showing on your credit card sir.

    I paid in cash.

    But according to your bank statement you did not withdraw that much cash.

    I have another source of cash.

    This is not showing on your last tax form, unless you got it from an undeclared income source.

    To HELL With your Pizza..!!! ENOUGH!! I'm sick of Google, Facebook, Twitter, and WhatsApp. I'm going to an island without internet, where there's no cellphone line, and no one to spy on me...

    I understand sir, but you'll need to renew your PASSPORT... it expired 5 weeks ago.
  • Mini iPad and Maxi iPad

    On the eve of the marketing campaign for his new invention, Apple president Steve Jobs was discussing it with his top associate. Steve was just finishing up a rundown of the iPad's features when he noticed a look of concern on the associate's face.

    "What's wrong?" Steve asked.

    "It's the name, iPad," the associate hesitantly said.

    "What about the name?" Steve asked.

    "It... well," the associate stammered out, "It kind of sounds like a feminine hygiene product."

    "What?" Steve wailed, "You think it sounds like a feminine hygiene product? That's ridiculous! It does not sound like a feminine hygiene product! The name starts with an 'i'! It sounds like a computer! Don't be stupid!"

    "I'm sorry," said the associate, shrinking back a little.

    "Oh, OK, don't worry about it," Steve said. "Now, listen. Marketing," he continued. "I've come to the conclusion that the price tag of my iPad is out of many people's price range, so I've decided to offer a smaller version for a cheaper price."

    "That's good," said the associate. "So you'll have two versions - a smaller one and a larger one. What will they be called?"

    Steve replied, "The smaller version will be called the Mini iPad and the larger version will be called the Maxi iPad."
  • A Talking Frog

    A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

    He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.

    The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week."

    The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.

    The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a year and do anything you want."

    Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.

    Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and I'll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

    The man said, "Look, I'm a Software Engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."
  • FB Friend Request

    I was browsing my FB page the other day and came across a friend request from a girl 'Anita Rao'. Now I was surprised as well as suspicious since people like us rarely get friend request from girls and that too unknown girls.

    To get over my suspicion, before accepting her friend request, I decided to go through her profile and found that she did not have a profile pic and I was her only friend. Well, I gave it a thought and realised that she must be new to facebook and must have got my name as a suggestion since I am pretty active on FB.

    Days went by and she started liking my photo uploads and posts. I was really delighted in this friend and we started chatting some time later.

    One day, out of the blue, she asked me, "Do you love your wife?" and I replied in positive. Then soon she asked me if my wife was beautiful and I said she is the most beautiful woman I know.

    After some days, she messaged me that she is in town and would like to meet up. I was very happy at this fact since you rarely get to meet your FB friends nowadays. She asked me to come to InOrbit Mall but I said why don't you come over to my place for dinner and my wife would be very happy to meet her. But she refused and said that I should come alone and meet her in InOrbit Mall and that we will go for a movie and dinner. I refused the offer and said that I will get my wife also along since she also wanted to see a movie.

    She got pissed off on this suggestion and told me to screw myself and said that she is going back to her place and I am losing out on a good offer. I, of course persisted her to come to my place for dinner and taste the sweets my wife makes which is very awesome.

    She left nonetheless and I also gave up and left office for my home.

    As I entered, I saw that the dining table is beautifully decked up, the house smelling of aromatic candles and my wife dressed in my favourite saree with a bowl of my favourite sweet

    I asked whether we were expecting any guests but she simply smiled and said that 'Anita Rao' is coming. I asked her how she knew bout my FB friend to which she replied that I have passed her test of trustworthiness and loyalty and she was only acting as Anita Rao.

    She was very proud of me and was delighted by my behaviour.





    Lesson Learnt: It is important to keep checking your wife's laptop and phone regularly otherwise this story would have been completely different...

    Men Will Be Men