• Ignore Warnings

    A computer programmer was taking a smoke break when a woman passing by sarcastically commented, "Don't you know that those things can kill you? They put a warning on every pack!"

    "Oh, that's okay," said the guy, exhaling smoke, "I'm a programmer."

    "What's that got to do with anything?" she asked.

    He answered, "Programmers ignore warnings; we only care about errors!"
  • Warnings and Errors!

    A guy is standing on the corner of the street smoking one cigarette after another.

    A lady walking by notices him and says, "Hey, don't you know that those things can kill you? I mean, didn't you see the giant warning on the box?!"

    "That's OK," says the guy, puffing casually, "I'm a computer programmer."

    "So? What's that got to do with anything?"

    "We don't care about warnings. We only care about errors."
  • Height of Automation

    Hello! Is this Gordon's Pizza?

    No sir, it's Google's Pizza.

    Did I dial the wrong number?

    No sir, Google bought the pizza store.

    Oh, alright - then I'd like to place an order please.

    Okay sir, do you want the usual?

    The usual? You know what my usual is?

    According to the caller ID, the last 15 times you've ordered a 12-slice with double-cheese, sausage, and thick crust.

    Okay - that's what I want this time too.

    May I suggest that this time you order an 8-slice with ricotta, arugula, and tomato instead?

    No, I hate vegetables.

    But your cholesterol is not good.

    How do you know?

    Through the subscribers guide. We have the results of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

    Maybe so, but I don't want the pizza you suggest - I already take medicine for high cholesterol.

    But you haven't taken the medicine regularly. 4 months ago you purchased from Drugsale Network a box of only 30 tablets.

    I bought more from another drugstore.

    It's not showing on your credit card sir.

    I paid in cash.

    But according to your bank statement you did not withdraw that much cash.

    I have another source of cash.

    This is not showing on your last tax form, unless you got it from an undeclared income source.

    To HELL With your Pizza..!!! ENOUGH!! I'm sick of Google, Facebook, Twitter, and WhatsApp. I'm going to an island without internet, where there's no cellphone line, and no one to spy on me...

    I understand sir, but you'll need to renew your PASSPORT... it expired 5 weeks ago.
  • Mini iPad and Maxi iPad

    On the eve of the marketing campaign for his new invention, Apple president Steve Jobs was discussing it with his top associate. Steve was just finishing up a rundown of the iPad's features when he noticed a look of concern on the associate's face.

    "What's wrong?" Steve asked.

    "It's the name, iPad," the associate hesitantly said.

    "What about the name?" Steve asked.

    "It... well," the associate stammered out, "It kind of sounds like a feminine hygiene product."

    "What?" Steve wailed, "You think it sounds like a feminine hygiene product? That's ridiculous! It does not sound like a feminine hygiene product! The name starts with an 'i'! It sounds like a computer! Don't be stupid!"

    "I'm sorry," said the associate, shrinking back a little.

    "Oh, OK, don't worry about it," Steve said. "Now, listen. Marketing," he continued. "I've come to the conclusion that the price tag of my iPad is out of many people's price range, so I've decided to offer a smaller version for a cheaper price."

    "That's good," said the associate. "So you'll have two versions - a smaller one and a larger one. What will they be called?"

    Steve replied, "The smaller version will be called the Mini iPad and the larger version will be called the Maxi iPad."