• Types of Girls

    Hard Disk Girls:
    She remembers everything, FOREVER.

    RAM Girls:
    She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.

    Windows Girls:
    Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.

    Screensaver Girls:
    She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!

    Internet Girls:
    Difficult to access.

    Server Girls:
    Always busy when you need her.

    Multimedia Girls:
    She makes horrible things look beautiful.

    CD-ROM Girls:
    She is always faster and faster.

    Email Girls:
    Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.

    Virus Girls:
    Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything.
  • Error Messages

    There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire become a great writer.

    When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

    He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
  • Super Computer

    Super Computer
    The Super Computer stood at the end of the Computer Company's production line. At which point the guided tour eventually arrived. The salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo.

    "This", he said, "is the Super Computer. It will give an intelligent answer to any question you may care to ask it".

    At which a Clever Guest stepped forward - there is always one - and spoke into the Computer's microphone.

    "Where is my father?" he asked.

    There was a whirring of wheels and flashing of lights that the manufacturers always use to impress lay people, and then a little card popped out.

    On it were printed the words: Fishing off Goa.

    Clever Guest laughed.

    "Actually", he said, "My father is dead"!

    It had been a tricky question! The salesman, carefully chosen for his ability to think fast on his feet, immediately replied that he was sorry the answer was unsatisfactory, but as computers were precise, perhaps he might care to rephrase his question and try again?

    Clever Guest thought, went to the Computer and this time said, "Where is my mother's husband?"

    Again there was a whirring of wheels and a flashing of lights. And again a little card popped out. Printed on it were the words, "Dead. But your father is still fishing off Goa."
  • Globalization

    Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?
    Answer: Princess Diana's death.
    Question: How come?
    Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change the spelling) followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles; treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines. This is sent to you by an American, using Bill Gates's technology, and you're probably reading this on your computer, that use Taiwanese chips, and a Korean monitor, assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant, transported by Indian lorry-drivers, hijacked by Indonesians, unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen, and trucked to you by Mexican illegals.
    That, my friends, is Globalization!!
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