• Computer engineer!

    A mechanical, electrical and computer engineer were riding together to an engineering seminar when the car suddenly began jerking and shuttering.
    The mechanical engineer, said, "I think the car has a faulty carburetor."
    The electrical engineer said, "No, I think the problem lies with the alternator."
    The computer engineer brightened up and said, "I know, let`s stop the car, all get out of the car and get back in again!"
  • Hell for Gates!

    Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself being sized up by God....
    "Well, Bill, I`m really confused on this call. I m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created Windows 95. I`m going to do something I ve never done before. In your case, I m going to let you decide where you want to go."
    "Well, what s the difference between the two?" Bill asks.
    God says, "I m willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision."
    "Fine, but where should I go first?"
    "I ll leave that up to you."
    "Okay, then," says Bill. "Let me try Hell first."
    So Bill goes to Hell. It s a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun is shining, the temperature is perfect. He is very pleased.
    "This is great!" he tells God. "If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!"
    "Fine," says God, and off they go.
    Heaven is a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It s nice, but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thinks for a quick minute and decides.
    "Hmm. I think I d prefer Hell," he tells God.
    "Fine," replies God. "As you desire."
    So Bill Gates goes to Hell. Two weeks later, God decides to check on the late billionaire to see how he is doing in Hell. When he gets there, he finds Bill shackled to a wall, screaming amidst hot flames in a dark cave, being burned and tortured by demons.
    "How s everything going?" he asks Bill.
    Bill responds, his voice filled with anguish and disappointment, "This is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago! I can t believe this is happening! What happened to that other place, with the beaches and the beautiful women playing in the water?"
    "Oh ... that was the SCREENSAVER."
  • Five reasons computers must be female...

    5.No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
    4.Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.
    3.The native language used to communicate with the other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
    2.The message, "Bad command or filename", is about as informative as "if you don t know why I m mad at you, then I m certainly not going to tell you".
    1.As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
  • Copy Cats?

    Two young engineers applied for a single position at a computer company. They both had the same qualifications. In order to determine which individual to hire, the applicants were asked to take a test by the Department Manager. Upon completion of the test, both men missed only one of the questions.
    The manager went to the first applicant and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we`ve decided to give the job to the other applicant."
    "And why would you be doing that ? We both got 9 questions correct," asked the rejected applicant.
    "We have based our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed," said the Department manager.
    "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" the rejected applicant inquired.
    "Simple, "said the Department manager, "Your fellow applicant put down on question No. 5, `I don`t know` and You put down, `Neither do I.` "