• Wrong Diagnosis

    An old man goes to his doctor, complaining about a pain in his leg that doesn't heal and wants a diagnosis and explanation. The doctor checks out his leg, but can't find anything wrong. So he gives the old guy a full physical exam, and still can't come up with any possible explanation for the pain.

    The doctor hands the patient his bill and says, "I'm sorry but the pain in your leg is simply caused by old age, there's nothing I can do about it."

    The old man replies with a look of disbelief, "That's impossible! That can't be!"

    The Doctor says, "What do you mean? I'm the expert here; if you know so much, how can you say it's NOT old age?"

    The patient answers, "I'm no doctor but it doesn't take a medical degree to tell that your diagnosis is wrong. Clearly you're mistaken. After all my other leg feels just fine."

    "So what?" says the doctor "What difference does that make?"

    "Well it doesn't hurt a bit, and it's the SAME AGE!"
  • Doctor Google

    Patient: I have fever, headache, cough and cold. I've taken some basic medicines for the same.

    Doctor: Which ones?

    Patient: Paracetamol,
    Amoxicillin,
    Levocetrizine,
    Theophylline,
    Montelukast,
    Bromhexine,
    Ibuprofen.
    Doctor: Someone please give me an Alprazolam!

    Patient: Relax doctor. Alprazolam is an anxiolytic. It may not help you right now. You're suffering from an Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED). A selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor like Escitalopram will work better.

    Doctor: Someone give me passive euthanasia!

    Patient: Passive Euthanasia requires you to sign a 'living will' in advance. Besides, you're not even terminally ill. Now can we please talk about my fever?

    Doctor (calls his father): Papa, I'm joining our family's snacks business from tomorrow!

    Thanks to Doctor Google most of the patients are Digital Patients these days.
  • Indian Remedy

    Ever since Robert was a child, he had a fear of someone under his bed at night.

    So he went to a Psychiatrist and told him, "I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy."

    "Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the psychiatrist.

    "Come, talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears."

    "How much do you charge?"

    "$200 per visit," replied the doctor.

    "I'll think of it and if needed I will come back to you," Robert said.

    Six months later he met the Psychiatrist on the street.

    "Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?" he asked.

    "Well, $200 a visit twice a week for a year is an awful lot of money! An Indian friend of mine cured me for the price of one plate biryani and couple of Beers. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought myself a new SUV."

    "Is that so!" with a bit of an attitude he said, "and how, may I ask, did the friend cure you?"

    "He told me to Sell the bed and sleep on a Mattress on the floor."

    Moral: TO HELL WITH THOSE PSYCHIATRISTS... GO and TALK TO YOUR friend.
    There is always an INDIAN way to solve a difficult problem...
  • Doctor's Advice

    Yesterday I was talking to my doctor and after knowing my occupation and job structure he advised: You must exercise more. Don't buy cold drinks from stalls. Beer and whiskey better to avoid completely. Drink more plain water. Don't drive or take taxi when going out. Walk more or Take public transport. Don't eat out... Eat less meat, seafood and fast-food. Keep to vegetarian diet if possible.

    I nodded and asked:- May I know what's wrong with me?

    He answered: Teri Salary Bahut Kam Hai Re...