• Indian Remedy

    Ever since Robert was a child, he had a fear of someone under his bed at night.

    So he went to a Psychiatrist and told him, "I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy."

    "Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the psychiatrist.

    "Come, talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears."

    "How much do you charge?"

    "$200 per visit," replied the doctor.

    "I'll think of it and if needed I will come back to you," Robert said.

    Six months later he met the Psychiatrist on the street.

    "Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?" he asked.

    "Well, $200 a visit twice a week for a year is an awful lot of money! An Indian friend of mine cured me for the price of one plate biryani and couple of Beers. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought myself a new SUV."

    "Is that so!" with a bit of an attitude he said, "and how, may I ask, did the friend cure you?"

    "He told me to Sell the bed and sleep on a Mattress on the floor."

    Moral: TO HELL WITH THOSE PSYCHIATRISTS... GO and TALK TO YOUR friend.
    There is always an INDIAN way to solve a difficult problem...
  • Doctor's Advice

    Yesterday I was talking to my doctor and after knowing my occupation and job structure he advised: You must exercise more. Don't buy cold drinks from stalls. Beer and whiskey better to avoid completely. Drink more plain water. Don't drive or take taxi when going out. Walk more or Take public transport. Don't eat out... Eat less meat, seafood and fast-food. Keep to vegetarian diet if possible.

    I nodded and asked:- May I know what's wrong with me?

    He answered: Teri Salary Bahut Kam Hai Re...
  • Health Tips From a Doctor

    Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
    A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

    Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
    A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

    Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
    A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

    Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
    A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain... Good!

    Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
    A: You're not listening!!! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

    Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
    A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

    Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
    A: Are you crazy? Hello! Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

    Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
    A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

    Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
    A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
  • Patient Will Live but...

    On a busy Med/Surg floor the doctor stops the nurse to brief her on a patient's condition. "This patient is a fellow physician and my favorite golf partner. His injury is serious and I fear he will not be able to play golf again unless you follow my orders exactly."

    The doctor then began listing orders:
    "You must give an injection in a different location every twenty minutes followed by a second injection exactly five minutes after the first. He must take two pills at exactly every hour followed by one pill every fifteen minutes for eight hours. He must drink no more and no less than ten ounces of water every twenty-five minutes and must void between.

    "Soak his arm in warm water for fifteen minutes then place ice for ten minutes and repeat over and over for the rest of the day. Give range of motion every thirty minutes. He requires a back rub and foot rub every hour. Feed him something tasty every hour. Be cheerful and do whatever he asks at all times.

    "Chart his condition and vital signs every twenty minutes. You must do these things exactly as I ordered or his injury will not heal properly, and he will not able to play golf well."

    The nurse left the doctor and entered the patient's room. She was greeted by anxious family and an equally anxious patient. All asked the nurse what the doctor had said about the patient.

    The nurse started, "The doctor said that you will live." Then quickly reviewing the orders, the nurse added, "But you will have to learn a new sport."