|Shakey went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I ve got a trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there`s somebody under it. I get under the bed; I think there`s somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under, you got to help me, I`m going crazy!" |
"Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I`ll cure your fears."
"How much do you charge?"
"A hundred dollars per visit."
"I`ll sleep on it," said Shakey.
Six months later the doctor met Shakey on the street.
"Why didn`t you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.
"For a hundred buck`s a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars."
"Is that so! How?"
"He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"
|Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?"|
"Outstanding," Fred replied. "They Augustht us all the latest psychological techniques: visualization, association, etc. It was great."
"That is great! And what was the name of the clinic?"
Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but could not remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?"
"You mean a rose?"
"Yes, that`s it!" He turned to his wife, "Rose, what was the name of that memory clinic?"
|Sam and John were out cutting wood, and John cut his arm off. Sam wrapped the arm in a plastic bag and took it and John to a surgeon.|
The surgeon said: "You are in luck! I am an expert at reattaching limbs! Come back in four hours."
So Sam came back in four hours and the surgeon said: "I got done faster than I expected to. John is down at the local pub."
Sam went to the pub and saw John throwing darts.
A few weeks later, Sam and John were out again, and John cut his leg off. Sam put the leg in a plastic bag and took it and John back to the surgeon.
The surgeon said: "Legs are a little tougher - come back in six hours." Sam returned in six hours and the surgeon said: "I finished early - John is down at the soccer field."
Sam went to the soccer field and there was John, kicking goals.
A few weeks later, John had a terrible accident and cut his head off. Sam put the head in a plastic bag and took it and the rest of John to the surgeon.
The surgeon said: "Gee, heads are really tough. Come back in twelve hours."
So Sam returned in twelve hours and the surgeon said, "I am sorry, John died."
Sam said: "I understand - heads are tough." The surgeon said: "Oh, no! The surgery went fine! John suffocated in that plastic bag!"
|While making rounds, a doctor shows an X ray to a group of interns.|
"As you can see," she says, "the patient limps be-cause his left fibula and tibia are radically arched. Michael, what would you do in a case like this?"
"Well," ponders the intern, "I suppose I`d limp too."