|Wanting to lose weight, a woman placed a picture of a shapely, pinup model in her refrigerator to remind her of her goal.|
The reminder worked like a charm as the woman discovered that she had lost ten pounds in the first month of using this method.
The downside to this was that her husband spent so much time going into the fridge to look at the picture that he ended up gaining fifteen pounds!
|A professor is giving the first year medical students their first lecture on autopsies, and decides to give them a few basics before starting.|
"You must be capable of two things to do an autopsy. The first thing is that you must have no sense of fear." At this point, the lecturer sticks his finger into the dead man`s anus, and then licks it. He asks all the students to do the same thing with the corpses in front of them. After a couple of minutes silence, they follow suit.
"The second thing is that you must have an acute sense of observation: I stuck my middle finger into the corpse`s anus, but I licked my index."
|Morris the loudmouth mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon, Dr. Michael DeBakey, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his Mercedes.|
Morris shouted across the garage, "Hey DeBakey! Is that you? Come on over here a minute."
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where Morris the mechanic was working on the car.
Morris straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So Mr. Fancy Doctor, look at this here work. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind em, put in new parts, and when I finish this baby will purr like a kitten. So how come you get the big bucks, when you and me is doing basically the same work?"
Dr. DeBakey leaned over and whispered to Morris the loudmouth mechanic, "Try doing it with the engine running."
|A doctor warned an ageing telly star, "I think you ought to stop taking sleeping pills every night, they`re habit-forming, you know."|
"Don`t be silly," patient said. "I`v been taking them every night now for twenty years and they haven`t become a habit yet."