• Good News, Bad News

    An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings currently on display.

    "I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied.

    "Give me the good news first," the artist demanded.

    "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."

    "That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What could possibly be the bad news?"

    "Well," the gallery owner replied, "I have a buddy who's a private investigator, and I had him look into the guy."

    "And...?" the artist says.

    "He's your doctor."
  • Doctor vs Mechanic

    An engineer was removing the engine parts from a racing car when he saw a famous heart surgeon in his shop.

    He went to him & said, "Look at this engine... I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired and put them back. So why do I get such a small salary? and you get huge sums???"

    Classic reply by Doctor:
    The doctor smiled at the engineer, came close to his ear and said, "Try the same when the engine is running."

    The story doesn't end here.
    The engineer smiled back, came close to doctor's ear and said, "I can pick any dead engine and make it alive... But can you ???"

    Classic or EPIC???
  • Arriving in Heaven!

    A man is standing outside the gates of Heaven. Saint Peter approaches and says, "Can I help you?"

    The man replies, "No thanks."

    He continues to stand on the clouds.

    "Are you sure I can't help you?" says Saint Peter.

    "No. That's fine," says the man.

    Several minutes pass before Saint Peter approaches the man again.

    "Look," he says, "You do realize that if you're here, you're dead - right?"

    "Oh I realize that," replies the man.

    "You realize that," Saint Peter repeats.

    The man points down through the clouds, "I'm just waiting for the Medics down there to realize that!"
  • Break the News Doctor!

    Grandma was nearly ninety years of age when she won 1,000,000 pounds on the football pools. Her family were extremely worried about her heart and feared that news of her large win would come as too much of a shock for her.

    "Think we had better call in the doctor to tell her the news," suggested the eldest son.

    The doctor soon arrived and the situation was explained to him. "Now, you don't have to worry about anything," said the doctor. "I am fully trained in such delicate matters and I feel sure I can break this news to her gently. I assure you, there is absolutely no need for you to fear for her health. Everything will be quite safe if left to me."

    The doctor went in to see the old lady and gradually brought the conversation around to football pools.

    "Tell me," said the doctor, "what would you do if you had a large win on the pools - say one million pounds?"

    "Why," replied the old lady, "I'd give half of it to you, of course."

    The doctor fell down dead with shock.