|At a church meeting, a very wealthy man rose to tell the rest of those present about his Christian faith.|
"I'm a millionaire," he said, "and I attribute it all to the rich blessings of God in my life. I remember that turning point in my faith. I had just earned my first dollar and I went to a church meeting that night. The speaker was a missionary who told about his work. I knew that I only had a dollar bill and I had to either give it all to God's work or give nothing at all. So at that moment, I decided to give my whole dollar to God.
I believe that God blessed that decision, and that is why I am a rich man today."
When he finished and moved toward his seat, there was an awed silence As he sat down, a little old lady sitting in the same pew leaned over and said to him, "I dare you to do it again."
|Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?"|
"I think so," the man replied. "We have a caterer coming to provide plenty of sandwiches and cakes for all of our guests."
"I don't mean that," the priest responded. "I mean, are you prepared spiritually?"
"Oh, sure," came the reply. "I've got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey."
|A man was walking in the mountains just enjoying the scenery when he stepped too close to the edge of the mountain and started to fall. In desperation he reached out and grabbed a limb of a gnarly old tree hanging onto the side of the cliff.|
Full of fear he assessed his situation. He was about 100 feet down a shear cliff and about 900 feet from the floor of the canyon below. If he should slip again he'd plummet to his death.
Full of fear, he cries out, "Help me!"
But there was no answer. Again and again he cried out but to no avail. Finally he yelled, "Is anybody up there?"
A deep voice replied, "Yes, I'm up here."
"Who is it?"
"It's the Lord."
"Can you help me?"
"Yes, I can help. Have faith in me."
Looking around the man became full of panic, "What?!?!"
"Have faith in me. Let go. I will catch you."
"Uh.... Is there anybody else up there?"
|There was an old Priest who got sick of all the people in his Parish who kept confessing to adultery.|
One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit !"
Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen".
This seemed to satisfy the old Priest and things went well, until the Priest died at a ripe old age.
About a week after the new Priest arrived. He visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.
The Priest said, "You have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen."
The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new Priest about the code word.
Before the Mayor could explain, the Priest shook an accusing finger at the Mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about, your wife fell three times this week !"