|A Jewish businessman in America decided to send his son to Israel to absorb some of the culture of the homeland. When the son returned, the father asked him to tell him about his trip.|
The son said, "Pop, I had a great time in Israel. By the way, I converted to Christianity."
"Oy vey," said the father. "What have I done?"
He decided to go ask his friend Jacob what to do.
Jacob said, "Funny you should ask. I too sent my son to Israel, and he also came back a Christian. Perhaps we should go see the rabbi and ask him what we should do."
So they went to see the Rabbi. The Rabbi said, "Funny you should ask.I too sent my son to Israel. He also came back a Christian. What is happening to our young people? Perhaps we should go talk to God and ask him what to do."
The three of them prayed and explained what had happened to their sons and asked God what to do. Suddenly a voice came loud and clear from Heaven.
The Voice said, "funny you should ask, I too sent my son to Isreal..."
|A climber fell off a cliff, and as he tumbled down, he caught hold of a small branch wedged in the rock.|
"HELP! IS THERE ANYBODY UP THERE?" he shouted.
A majestic voice boomed through the gorge:
"I will help you, my son, but first you must have faith in me."
"Yes, yes, I trust you!" cried the man.
"Let go of the branch," boomed the voice.
There was a long pause, and the man shouted up again, "IS THERE ANYONE ELSE UP THERE I COULD TALK TO?"
|The preacher's Sunday sermon was 'Forgive Your Enemies.'|
He asked how many of the congregation have forgiven their enemies? About half held up their hands. He then repeated his question. Now about 80 % held up their hands.
He then repeated his question once more. All responded, except one elderly lady.
"Mrs. Johnson, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any."
"Mrs. Johnson that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety-three," she replied.
"Mrs. Johnson, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person cannot have an enemy in the world?"
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle and said, "I outlived every one of those bitches!"
|"Sister Ann, aren't you putting on a little weight?" inquired Father Dan during his visit to the convent, suspiciously eyeing her bulging stomach.|
"Why, no Father," answered the nun demurely, "It's just a little gas."
A few months later Father Dan put the same question to the nun noticing her habit barely fit across her belly.
"Oh, just a bit of gas," said sister Ann, blushing a bit.
On his next visit Father Dan was walking down the corridor when he passed Sister Ann wheeling a baby carriage.
Looking in, the priest observed, "Cute little Fart!"