• Confession Code

    There was an old Priest who got sick of all the people in his Parish who kept confessing to adultery.

    One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit !"

    Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen".

    This seemed to satisfy the old Priest and things went well, until the Priest died at a ripe old age.

    About a week after the new Priest arrived. He visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.

    The Priest said, "You have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen."

    The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new Priest about the code word.

    Before the Mayor could explain, the Priest shook an accusing finger at the Mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about, your wife fell three times this week !"
  • Drink From The River

    A Preacher said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

    And the congregation cried, "Amen!"

    "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it in the river."

    And the congregation cried, "Amen!"

    "And if I had all the whiskey and rum in the world, I'd take it all and throw it in the river."

    Again the congregation cried, "Amen!"

    The preacher sat down.

    The deacon then stood up and said, "For our closing hymn, let's turn to page 126 of our hymn books and sing, 'We Shall drink from That River'." THE CONGREGATION SCREAMED HALLELUJAH...!!!
  • Whisky for Constipation

    A nun walks into a liquor store and asks for a bottle of whisky.

    The owner is shocked, "I'm sorry, Sister, but I'm a good church-going man. I simply can't sell liquor to a nun."

    The nun blushes a little, looks around nervously, then leans forward to whisper, "It's for Mother Superior's constipation."

    "Oh, well, that's a different story," the owner says.

    He wraps up a bottle of his best and hands it to her, waving away her attempt to pay for it.

    On his way home, he walks past the convent and sees the nun, drunk as a skunk, doing cartwheels on the lawn.

    He runs up to her, "Shame on you, Sister... how could you? You said the whisky was to help your Mother Superior's constipation!"

    "It will, it will," the nun mutters. "When she sees me, she's just going to shit!"
  • Apology!

    The lady was embarrassed and apologetic to the priest after church service was over, "Reverend, I hope you didn't take it personally, when my husband bluntly walked out of the room during your sermon."

    "Yes, I did find it rather disrespectful to the Lord," the angry preacher cursed.

    "Father, I assure you It was not a reflection on your religious intelligence and abilities." The wife persisted, "You see John has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a child."
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