Religion Jokes

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The Holy Cup!

A man walks in to a confession booth and says, "I have sinned."

"What did you do?" asks the priest.

"I've committed murder."

The priest says, "Take a drink out of the holy cup and you will be forgiven."

A women walks in to the confession booth and says, "I have sinned."

The priest asks her, "What did you do?"

"I robbed six banks."

The priest says, "Take a drink out of the holy cup and you will be forgiven."

Another man walks in to the confession booth and says, "I have sinned."

"What did you do?" asks the priest.

"I peed in the holy cup."

Shhhhhh......

A pious man, who had reached the age of 105, suddenly stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after so many years of faithful attendance, the Rabbi went to see him.

He found him in excellent health, so the Rabbi asked, "How come after all these years we don't see you at services anymore?"

The old man lowered his voice, "I'll tell you, Rabbi," he whispered. "When I got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105. So, I figured that God is very busy and must've forgotten about me, and I don't want to remind Him!"

Benefits of Being an Atheist

A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. The religious man prayed every single day and night, spending much time at church, while the atheist never even thought of such acts.

However, the atheist had a good life. An excellent, well-payed job, and a beautiful wife, lovely, healthy, children, whereas the religious man's job was stressful and his wages were low, his wife was getting fatter every day, and his kids were obnoxious, and non loving.

So one day, while deep into his regular prayer, he looked towards heaven and asked, "Oh God, I honour you every day, I ask your advice for every problem and confess to you my every sin. Yet my neighbour, who doesn't even believe in you and certainly never prays, seems blessed with every happiness, while I go poor and suffer many an indignity. Why is this?"

A great voice bellowed out from above, "BECAUSE HE DOESN'T BOTHER ME ALL THE TIME!"

Job Interview

A guy was getting ready to apply to a local department store for a job.

A friend told him that it was the policy of the store to hire nobody but Catholic Christians, and that if he wanted a job there, he would have to lie about being a Catholic Christian.

He applied for the job and the personnel man asked him, "And what church do you belong to?"

"I am a Catholic," said the guy. "And all my family are Catholics. In fact, my father is a priest and my mother is a nun, Sir."

Quotes

Love is the only flower that grows and blossoms Without the aid of the seasons.

Trivia

Interracial marriage was banned in South Africa from 1949 to 1985 (36 years) - It was banned in the U.S. from 1691-1967 (276 years).

Graffiti

If it weren't for the rains, people would be all dry.