• Professional Help!

    A woman received a call that her daughter was sick. She stopped by the pharmacy to get medication, got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys inside. The woman found an old rusty coat hanger left on the ground.

    She looked at it and said, "I don't know how to use this."

    She bowed her head and asked God to send her HELP. Within a minute a beat up old motorcycle pulled up. A bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag. The man got off of his cycle and asked if he could help.

    She said, "Yes, my daughter is sick. I've locked my keys in my car. I must get home. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"

    He said, "Sure."

    He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was open.

    She hugged the man and through tears said, "Thank You SO Much! You are a very nice man."

    The man replied, "Lady, I am NOT a nice man. I just got out of PRISON yesterday, I was in prison for car theft."

    The woman hugged the man again sobbing, "Oh, thank you God! You even sent me a Professional!"

    Is GOD Good or What!?
  • Public Announcement!

    The minister of a city church enjoyed a drink now and then, but his passion was for peach brandy. One of his congregants would make him a bottle each Christmas.

    One year, when the minister went to visit his friend, hoping for his usual Christmas present, he was not disappointed, but his friend told him that he had to thank him for the peach brandy from the pulpit the next Sunday.

    In his haste to get the bottle, the minister hurriedly agreed and left. So the next Sunday the minister suddenly remembered that he had to make a public announcement that he was being supplied alcohol from a member of the church. That morning, his friend sat in the church with a grin on his face, waiting to see the minister's embarrassment.

    The minister climbed into the pulpit and said, "Before we begin, I have an announcement. I would very much like to thank my friend, Joe, for his kind gift of peaches... and for the spirit in which they were given !"
  • Best Sermon

    After years of his wife's pleading, this rich good ole' boy finally goes with her to her little local Church on Sunday morning. He was so moved by the preacher's sermon that on the way out he stopped to shake his hand.
    He said, "Reverend, that was the best damn sermon I ever did hear!"

    The Preacher replied, "Oh!! Why, thank you sir, but please, I'd appreciate it if you didn't use profanity in the Lord's house."

    The man said, "I'm sorry Reverend, but I can't help myself, it was such a damn good sermon!

    The Reverend said, "Sir, PLEASE, I cannot have you behaving this way in Church!"

    The man said, "Okay Reverend, but I just wanted you to know that i thought it was so damn good, I put $5000 in that there collection plate."

    And the Reverend said, "That was damn nice of you, Sir!"
  • Army of the Lord!

    A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and as always the preacher was standing at the door shaking hands as the congregation departed. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.

    The preacher said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"

    My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Preacher."

    The preacher questioned, "How come I don't see you except for Christmas and Easter?"

    He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."
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