• Not the Same Elephant

    In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.

    He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

    Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teen-aged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, and then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

    Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage; climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

    Probably wasn't the same elephant.
  • The First Date

    A guy walks into a bookstore, not looking for anything in particular. On his way to the back of the store, he spots something of interest.

    A book with a very interesting title, "Dating for the New Millennium. What Women Want." So, he picks it up and opens it to a random page.

    "Chapter 1: The First Date."
    He glances the chapter over for a few minutes and then rushes out of the bookstore to call a girl he's wanted to ask out for quite awhile. When he gets home, he picks up the phone and calls her. She answers, "Hello?"

    He says, "Hi, Jessica. Listen, I was wondering if you would want to go see a movie with me tonight?"

    She says, "Sure, I don't see anything wrong with that."

    He gets excited. He thought she'd say no way, but she didn't. So, he decided to take it one step further. He asks, "Great, well how about dinner before the movie?" She replies, `Sure, that would be great too!` `Fine, I'll pick you up about nine. You should be finished eating by then.`
  • Always Listen to Your Mom

    Son: Daddy, I've a small doubt!

    Dad: Bolo Na Beta.

    Son: Daddy, I learned that Shri Ram became GOD by listening to his Dad in SATYA YUGA. Prahlad became great by Not listening to his Dad in TRETA YUG. Please clarify Should I listen to you or not?

    Dad: My dear Son... In Kali Yuga, It is Good for both of us to listen to your Mother to have a Normal life.
  • New Restroom Trip Policy

    Find that your employees are slacking off at work? Not fully utilizing their office hours? Spending too much time in the restroom and toilet chats? Try this new policy that is guaranteed to return those lost hours to your company!

    In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the restroom under informal guidelines. Effective immediately, a Restroom Trip Policy will be established to provide a more consistent method of accounting for each employee's restroom time and ensuring equal treatment of all employees.

    Under the policy a "Restroom Trip Bank" will be established for each employee. The first day of each month, employees will be given twenty Restroom Trip Credits. These credits may be accumulated.

    Within four to six weeks, the entrance doors to all restrooms are being equipped with personal identification stations and computer- linked voice print recognition devices. Before the end of the month each employee must provide two copies of voice prints (one normal and one under stress) to the Human Resources Department. The voice print recognition station will be operational but not restrictive during the entire month. Employees should acquaint themselves with the stations during that period.

    If the employee's Restroom Trip Bank balance reaches zero, the doors to the restrooms will not unlock for that employee's voice until the first of the next month. In addition, all restroom stalls are being equipped with timed paper roll retractors. If the stall is occupied for more than three minutes, an alarm will sound. Thirty-seconds after the alarm sounds, the roll of paper will retract into the wall, the toilet will flush, and the stall door will open. If the stall remains occupied, your picture will be taken.

    The picture will then be posted on the bulletin board located in the Employee Relations Office. Anyone's picture showing up three times will immediately be terminated. If you have any questions about this policy, please ask your supervisor. But make sure you check with the 'Supervisor Questions Policy first'.