• Born Again

    A man finds his dog with a dead rabbit in its mouth. He realizes that the rabbit is a pet of his next-door neighbor. In a panic he cleans the rabbit up and sneaks it into its cage, hoping his neighbor will think their pet died of natural causes.

    Next day he spots his neighbor digging a hole in the flower beds and goes over to investigate.

    "What are you doing?" asks the man.

    "Burying my rabbit again," replies the neighbor. `There sure are some sick people around here. The rabbit dropped dead on Monday, I buried it on Tuesday, and on Wednesday some bastard dug it up, gave it a wash, and stuck it back in its cage."
  • The Break Up

    The young salesman finally plucked up the courage to tell his fiancee that he was breaking off their engagement so that he could marry another woman.

    "Can she cook like I can?" asked the distraught fiancee

    "Not even on her best day!" replied the salesman.

    "Can she buy you expensive gifts like I do?"

    "No, she's broke", the salesman said in agreement.

    "Well then, is this all about 'relations'?" cried out the devastated woman.

    "No, nobody does it like you babe," assured the salesman.

    "Then what is it?" she screamed "What can she do that I can't"?

    The salesman sighed, took a deep breath, looked his ex-fiancee straight in the eyes and said, "She can sue me for child support."

    And then it hit him... the four slice toaster he had bought for her the previous birthday.
  • Geographical Pun

    Can it get geographically punnier than this?

    Timmy : I'm Hungary.

    Mum : Why don't you Czech the fridge?

    Timmy : Okay, I'm Russian to the kitchen.

    Mum : Hmm... maybe you'll find some Turkey.

    Timmy : Yeah, but its all covered in Greece. Yucks!

    Mum : There is Norway you can eat that.

    Timmy : I know, I guess I'll just have a can of Chile.

    Mum : Denmark your name on the can.

    Timmy : Kenya do it for me?

    Mum : Okay, I'm Ghana do it.

    Timmy : Thanks, I'm so tired - Iran for an hour today.

    Mum : It Tokyo long enough.

    Timmy : Yeah, Israelly hard sometimes!
  • A Nutty Affair

    So I was sitting on the bus and somebody tapped me on the shoulder.

    I turned around and saw an old lady. She said to me, "Sonny, would you like some nuts? I've got a couple hazelnuts and almonds if you'd like."

    "Sure," I replied. Then she gave me a handful of nuts and went back to sit with her friends.

    "What a nice lady," I thought, while happily munching on the nuts.

    A few minutes later, I felt another tap on my shoulder and there she was again, offering some nuts. I gladly accepted and she went back to her seat.

    After about 10 minutes, she tapped me on the shoulder, once again offering some nuts.

    I asked her, "Why don't you eat them yourself?"

    "Because we've got no teeth," she replied.

    "Then why do you buy them?" I asked.

    "Oh, because we just love the chocolate around them."