• God Helps

    A woman hurriedly went into the pharmacy to get medication, got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys inside.

    The woman found an old rusty coat hanger left on the ground.

    She looked at it and said, "I don't know how to use this."

    She bowed her head and asked God to send her some HELP.

    Within 5 minutes a beat-up old motorcycle pulled up, driven by a bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag.

    He got off of his cycle and asked if he could help.

    She said: "Yes, my daughter is sick. I've locked my keys in my car. I must get home.

    Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"

    He said, "Sure." He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was open.

    She hugged the man and through tears said, "Thank You SO Much! You are a very nice man."

    The man replied, "Lady, I am NOT a nice man. I just got out of PRISON yesterday; I was in prison for car theft."

    The woman hugged the man again sobbing, "Oh, thank you, God! You even sent me a Professional."
  • Things to Say in Meetings

    Things one says during meetings:

    To appear Sharper:
    "Can you go back to the previous slide?"

    To appear Pragmatic:
    "Let's look at the Timelines."

    To appear Senior:
    "Who's taking the minutes??"

    To appear Super senior:
    "I have a hard stop at 10"

    When a junior points out a mistake in the slide, Presenter says, "Let's take this offline."

    When someone points at a glaring miss in one of the slides, "We have addressed that in a subsequent slide" (there is no such slide, and everybody forgets)

    To appear as a Realist:
    "Let's take a step back."

    Oldest guy in the room:
    "Yaar Chai Nahi Aayi Abhi Tak..."
  • Wrong Size!

    A man was in bad shape. He constantly gasped for breath and his eyes bulged. The doctors didn't give him long to live.

    He decided to live it up. Withdrawing all of his money from the bank, he went on a shopping spree. His last stop was at the most expensive haberdashery in the city. He pointed out a dozen silk shirts. He wore a size fourteen.

    The clerk said, "Your neck looks bigger than fourteen. You need a sixteen."

    The man said, "I know my size. I want them in a fourteen."

    The clerk said, "I'll get them for you, but I want to warn you... if you wear a fourteen you'll gasp all day and your eyes will bulge."
  • Wise Words From a Monk

    A woman gets cheated by her husband. Devastated, she doesn't know how to continue to live her life. She hears that there's a very wise monk who lives up in a mountain, and decides to go there to consult him. After few days of traveling, walking, climbing, she reaches the top and meets the wise monk.

    "I have spent my whole life with him, my youth was dedicated to support him, take care of him. And now he has left me for a young woman. My life is stolen, and I'm left with nothing. I don't know what to do."

    The monk gives her a cookie and asks her to eat it. After she finishes eating, he asks, "Was the cookie delicious?"

    "Yes," she answers.

    "Do you want another one?"

    "Sure, please."

    The monk looks her in the eye and says, "Do you see the problem now?"

    The woman thinks for a while, and then slowly speaks, "I guess human nature is greedy. You got one, then you want more, maybe a new one, bigger one. It's never enough. And nothing lasts forever, everything is impermanence. We should be aware and not disappointed by that."

    The monk shakes his head, "No, I mean you are too fat, you should eat less."