• New Blacksmith!

    An old blacksmith realized he was soon going to quit working so hard. He picked out a strong young man to become his apprentice.

    The old fellow was crabby and exacting.

    "Don't ask me a lot of questions," he told the boy.

    "Just do whatever I tell you to do."

    One day the old blacksmith took an iron out of the forge and laid it on the anvil.

    "Get the hammer over there," he said. "When I nod my head, hit it real good and hard."

    Now the town is looking for a new blacksmith.
  • From Loving Employees

    Dear Boss,
    To ensure that you have a good time on your trip to Australia, your team members have planned and developed a special itinerary to fill the time during your leisure hours. Agenda follows:

    Day 1: The "10 Deadliest Snakes" Fall Tour. You and a guest will be escorted through the outback and provided with the opportunity to handle and examine each of the world's 10 most deadly snakes.

    Day 2: The "Great White Encounter." You and your tour guide will take a small boat to the Great Barrier Reef, where you will be able to dive into the chum-laden water and experience the beauty of the Great White shark.

    Day 3: The Aboriginal "Festival of Spears." You will be the honored guest of a small aboriginal village as they celebratethe subjugation of the aboriginal race by the white man, with free liquor and a special weapons exhibition.

    Day 4: The "Crocodile Dundee" Petting Zoo. You will be able to come up-close and personal with the occasionally harmless salt-water crocodiles of the Australian coast. Lucky audience members are asked to participate in a croc wrestling exhibition.

    Day 5: "Those Marvelous Morays." This tour will once againreturn you to the beauty of the Great Barrier Reef, where you will be allowed to hand feed special finger-shaped sausages to the wild eels of Stubby Hand Reef.

    We hope you will enjoy your trip!
    Your loyal employees.
  • Nuns and Beer

    Two nuns were shopping in a food store and happened to be passing the beer and liquor section.

    One asks the other if she would like a beer.
    The other nun answered that would be good, but that she would be queasy about purchasing it.
    The first nun said that she would handle it and picked up a six pack and took it to the cashier.
    The cashier had a surprised look and the first nun said, "This is for washing our hair."
    The cashier without blinking an eye, reached under the counter and put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer saying, "Here, don't forget the curlers."
  • Real Friends!!!

    A young couple was touring southern Florida on their honeymoon and stopped at one of the rattlesnake farms along the road.

    After seeing the sights, they engaged in small talk with the man that handled the snakes.

    "Wow!" exclaimed the new bride. "You certainly have a dangerous job. Do you ever get bitten?"

    "Yes, upon rare occasions," answered the handler.

    "Well," she continued, "just what do you do when you're bitten by a snake?"

    "I always carry a razor-sharp knife in my pocket, and as soon as I am bitten, I make deep criss-cross marks across the fang entry and then suck the poison from the wound."

    "What, uh... what would happen if you were to accidentally sit on a rattler?" persisted the woman.

    "Ma'am," answered the snake handler, "that will be the day I learn who my real friends are."