• You're Going to Die!

    A tourist asked a boat guide: Do you know Psychology, Geography, Geology and Criminology?

    The Guide said 'No' to all the questions.

    The Tourist then said: Idiot!!! You will die of Illiteracy.

    Suddenly the boat started sinking and the Guide asked the Tourist: Do you know Swimology... Escapology away from Crocrodielogy?

    The Tourist said: No.

    The Guide Said: Today you will Drowncology... Crocodielogy will eat your Bodycology... and you will Diecology because of your bad Mouthocology.
  • Memo Differences

    Memo from Director General to Manager:
    Today at 11 o'clock there will be a total eclipse of the sun. This is when the sun disappears behind the moon for two minutes. As this is something that cannot be seen every day, time will be allowed for employees to view the eclipse in the car park. Staff should meet in the car park at ten to eleven, when I will deliver a short speech introducing the eclipse, and giving some background information. Safety goggles will be made available at a small cost.

    Memo from Manager to Department Head:
    Today at ten to eleven, all staff should meet in the car park. This will be followed by a total eclipse of the sun, which will disappear for two minutes. For a moderate cost, this will be made safe with goggles. The Director General will deliver a short speech beforehand to give us all some background information. This is not something that can be seen every day.

    Memo from Department Head to Floor Manager:
    The Director General will today deliver a short speech to make the sun disappear for two minutes in the eclipse. This is something that can not be seen every day, so staff will meet in the car park at ten or eleven. This will be safe, if you pay a moderate cost.

    Memo From Floor Manager to Supervisor:
    Ten or eleven staff are to go to the car park, where the Director General will eclipse the sun for two minutes. This doesn't happen every day. It will be safe, but it will cost you.

    Memo from Supervisor to staff:
    Some staff will go to the car park today to see the Director General disappear. It is a pity this doesn't happen every day.
  • Mala and Chillum!

    A disciple went to his guru asking for tips to attain enlightenment.

    The guru advised, "Take a mala and go up into the Himalayas and meditate."

    The disciple went away.

    Several months later, the guru paid him a visit and asked, "How do you like it up here in the snow?"

    "Just fine," replied the disciple.

    "And what about the weather? Don't you freeze?"

    "As long as I have my Mala and My Chillum, I don't care how cold it is."

    "I am glad to hear it. Can I also have a Chillum for myself right now," asked the guru, shivering with cold.

    "WHY NOT !!" said the disciple... "MALA !!PLEASE BRING US TWO CHILLUMS ???"
  • Dogs vs Wives

    Why do some men prefer dogs over wives?

    1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

    2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

    3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

    4. A dog's parents never visit.

    5. Dogs agree that you sometimes have to raise your voice to get your point across.

    6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.

    7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.

    8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

    9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"

    10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

    11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

    12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.

    13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

    14. If a dog leaves you, it won't take half of your stuff.