• Evil Spell

    Once upon a time there was a Prince who, through no fault of his own was cast under a spell by an evil witch. The curse was that the Prince could speak only one word each year. However, he could save up the words so that if he did not speak for a whole year, then the following year he was allowed to speak two words. (This was before the time of letter writing or sign language.)

    One day he met a beautiful princess (ruby lips, golden hair, sapphire eyes,) and fell madly in love. With the greatest difficulty he decided to refrain from speaking for two whole years so that he could look at her and say: 'My Darling'.

    But at the end of the two years he wished to tell her that he loved her. Because of this he waited three more years without speaking (bringing the total number of silent years to 5).

    But at the end of these five years he realized that he had to ask her to marry him. So he waited ANOTHER four years without speaking.

    Finally as the ninth year of silence ended, his joy knew no bounds.

    Leading the lovely princess to the most secluded and romantic place in that beautiful royal garden the prince heaped a hundred red roses on her lap, knelt before her, and taking her hand in his, said huskily, "My darling, I love you! Will you marry me?"

    And the princess tucked a strand of golden hair behind a dainty ear, opened her sapphire eyes in wonder, and parting her ruby lips, said, "Pardon?"
  • Skinny-Dip

    An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange and grapefruit trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.

    One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond to look it over, as he hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

    As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

    One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

    The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked."

    Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligators."

    Some old men can still think fast.
  • Grandparents

    An 8 year old was given a homework assignment to write a paper about grandparents. They where asked to write about things such what their grandparents mean to them, what are the roles of a grandparent, what they are like, there was really no limit on what they could write about their grand parents. After reading this 8 yr old's paper, I have to say he did a good job.

    Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of her own. They like other people's.

    A grandfather is a man and a grandmother is a lady!

    Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them.

    They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the shops and give us money.

    When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.

    They show us and talk to us about the color of the flowers and also why we shouldn't step on "cracks."

    They don't say, "Hurry up."

    Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes.

    They wear glasses and funny underwear.

    They can take their teeth and gums out.

    Grandparents don't have to be smart.

    They have to answer questions like "Why isn't God married?" and "How come dogs chase cats?"

    When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again.

    Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have television, because they are the only grown ups who like to spend time with us.

    They know we should have snack-time before bedtime and they say prayers with us every time and kiss us even when we've acted bad.

    GRANDPA IS THE SMARTEST MAN ON EARTH! HE TEACHES ME GOOD THINGS, BUT I DON'T GET TO SEE HIM ENOUGH TO GET AS SMART AS HIM!

    It's funny when they bend over; you hear gas leaks, and they blame the dog.
  • Three Germs...

    This woman wasn't feeling well, so she went to see the family doctor. After hearing her symptoms the doctor scheduled her for a complete physical. Next Day she returned to get the results. The doctor tells her that everything came back normal.

    He asks, "How's your appetite?"

    She replied, "Great! I eat like a horse."

    He then asks, "Do you sleep well?"

    "About 8 hours a night," she said.

    "How about your bowels?" he asks.

    "I go every morning about 7:20 AM" she replied.

    The doctor thinks a minute then says, "There's something going on that I can't put my finger on. I'm going to give you an antibiotic and see if that will cure the problem."

    There are three germs inside are listening to all of this and one of them says, "What are we going to do?"

    One says, "I think I'll hide in the liver."

    A second one says, "I think I'll hide in a kidney."

    The last one says, "You guys can stick around if you want to, but I'm taking the 7:20 out of here."