• This is what Canada is!

    A Syrian arrives in Toronto as a new immigrant to Canada. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. Canadian, for letting me come into this country, giving me housing, income support, free medical care, free housing and a free education!"

    The passer-by says, "You are mistaken, I am Egyptian."

    The man goes on and encounters another passer-by. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in Canada."

    The person says, "I am not Canadian, I am Pakistani."

    The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand, and says, "Thank you for wonderful country Canada."

    That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Afghanistan. I am not Canadian."

    He finally sees a nice lady and asks, "Are you a Canadian woman?"

    She says, "No, I am from Africa." Puzzled, he asks her, "Where are all the Canadians?"

    The African lady checks her watch and says, "Probably at work."
  • Coca-Cola Posters

    A disappointed salesman of Coca-Cola returns from his Middle East assignment. A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs ?"

    The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters... First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand... totally exhausted and panting. Second, the man is drinking our Cola and Third, our man is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all over the place."

    "That should have worked," said the friend.

    The salesman replied, "Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn't realize that Arabs read from right to left..."
  • Being Overweight is Good

    A new report shows that being overweight is not as harmful as is commonly believed, and actually confers some surprising health benefits.

    Being five to ten pounds overweight could protect people from ailments ranging from tuberculosis to Alzheimer's disease, research indicates.

    Those carrying 15 to 25 extra pounds are better able to recover from adverse conditions such as emphysema, pneumonia, and various injuries and infections, states the report.

    Thirty to 40 pounds of flab could help fend off breast, kidney, pancreatic, prostate, and colon cancer. And an extra 50 pounds on the scale may improve eyesight, reverse baldness, cure the common cold, and reduce global warming.

    In general, the report concludes, overweight people are happier, more successful in business, smarter, and friendlier.

    "This just goes to show that conventional wisdom is wrong," said a spokeswoman for the study group. "Not to mention the hundreds of studies that came before!"

    The study was funded by a research grant from McDonald's, Burger King, Jack in the Box, Taco Bell, Domino's Pizza, Starbucks, Haagen Dazs, Sara Lee, and Krispy Kreme.
  • The Italian Math Test

    An Italian man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test. "Here's your first question," the foreman said.

    "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."

    "Without numbers?" the Italian says, "Datsa easy." and he proceeds to draw three trees.

    "What's this?" the boss asks.

    "Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree makea nine," says the Italian.

    "Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."

    The Italian stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere a you go."

    The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99 ?"

    "Each of da trees isa dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99."

    The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Italian, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."

    The Italian stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."

    The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"

    The Italian leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little doga came along and crapa by eacha tree. So now you gota dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, datsa makea one hundred. So, when I'm a gonna start?"