• Chinese Juice!!!

    We were dining in a Chinese restaurant down in Chinatown, when my friend asked me, "Do you know if there are there any Jews in China?"

    "I don't know," I replied and suggested. "Why don't we ask the waiter?" and when he came by, "I asked if there were any Chinese Jews ?"

    "I don't know, lep me ask," the waiter answered and disappeared into the kitchen. He quickly returned and said, "No. No Chinese Jews."

    "Are you sure?" I asked.

    "I go check again." the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen.

    While he was still gone, my friend said, "I can't believe there are no Jews in China, after all, people are scattered everywhere these days."

    When the waiter returned he said, "No Chinese Jews."

    "Are you really sure?" I asked again. muttering, "I cannot believe there's no Chinese Jews."

    "I ask everyone," the waiter replied exasperated. "We have orange jews, prune jews, tomato jews, apple juice and grape jews, but no one ever hear of Chinese jews!"
  • Whiskey Courage

    Paddy, suffering from a severe toothache, finally got up enough nerve to visit his dentist, but lost it again when he was about to get into the chair.

    The dentist told his assistant to give Paddy a shot of whiskey kept on hand for just such circumstances as this.

    "Ye got your courage back now?" the dentist asked.

    "No!" replied Paddy.

    So a second shot was brought, then a third.

    "Now have ye got your courage?" asked the dentist.

    "You're damn right!" Paddy said, squaring his shoulders. "I'd like to see the bastard who'd dare to touch my teeth now!"
  • The Same Old Story!

    An old man went to the college that he went to when he was a youth. He knocked on room number 3 of the hostel and said, "May I come in. I lived in this very room thirty years ago when I studied in this college."

    A young man opened the door and let him in. The old man examined the room, fondly remembering everything.

    He said, "The same old room, the same old wooden table, the ventilator and the same old window that opens to the garden. And the same old bed."

    When examining it he found a young girl under the bed.

    The young man got alarmed and said, "Don't mistake me. She is my sister. She dropped her ear ring and is searching for it."

    The old man said, "And the same old story..."
  • Master's in History!

    Finkelman just arrives in America and needs a job and has no qualms about inventing the necessary qualifications. He reasons that once he finds work, he will impress the boss so much that everything will be forgiven. After a successful initial interview with the Encyclopedia of American History, he is called back to meet the sales manager.

    "You say you have experience selling books?"

    "Lots of it," replies Finkelman.

    "And you have a Master`s in American history from the University of Michigan?"

    "Correct," replies Finkelman. "History is my field of study."

    "Well then," says the sales manager, "As soon as I can complete this form, we can get you started in our firm."

    While the sales manager is making a few notations, Finkelman, obviously pleased with himself, begins to whistle. Looking around the room, he notices pictures of Washington and Lincoln on the walls.

    Pointing to the portraits, he turns to the sales manager and says, "Fine looking men. Your partners?"