• It's a quiet night at a remote roadhouse hotel when a semi-trailer pulls in and the truckie stomps into the bar and demands a whiskey. He slams it down and immediately asks for another, which he also drains in one go. When he asks for a third the barman asks him what's got him so upset.

    The truckie swears and explains he's hit a pig on the highway and he's stuck in his bull-bar, and still alive!

    "Every time I get near the damn pig screams and tries to go for me, I can't get him out," he says.

    "Ahhh," says the barman, "No problems cobber, I've got your answer right here," and produces a .303 from under the bar. "Put one of those between his eyes and he'll drop right out," he explains.

    The truckie grabs the rifle and goes outside and a shot is heard. Back comes the truckie and demands yet another whiskey, and another after that.

    "What's the problem," asks the barman, "didn't it work?"

    "Oh, it worked just fine," replies the truckie, "the pig's out no worries... Now I can't get his bloody motorcycle out!"
  • Problems of the Elderly

    "WHERE Is My SUNDAY Paper?" The irate customer calling the newspaper office loudly demanded, wanting to know where her Sunday edition was.

    "Ma'am," said the newspaper employee, "today is Saturday... The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on Sunday."

    There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a Ray of recognition.... As she was heard to mutter, "Well, shit... So that's why no one was at church today."
  • Have a Little Fun Daily

    Working people frequently ask retired people, what they do to make their days interesting...

    Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and visited a shop.

    When we came out,there was a policeman writing out a parking ticket.

    We went up to him and said, "Come on man,how about giving a senior citizen a break?"

    He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him an "A**hole" He glared at me,and started writing another ticket,for having worn out tires.

    So my wife called him a "D***head".

    He finished second ticket, and put it on the windshield with the first.

    Then he started writing more tickets,this went on for about 20mins. The more we abused him,the more he wrote. Just then our bus arrived,and we got on it, and went home.

    We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age!
  • If Girls Are Pilots!

    Girl: Hello control tower, this is flight 365 we have a problem.

    Control Tower: What is the problem.

    Girl: Kuch Nahin!

    Control Tower: Please bataiye problem Kya Hai.

    Girl: Nai Rehne Dijiye. I will Handle somehow.

    Control Tower: Please Tell Us The Problem Now!

    Girl: Nothing I am Fine, Aap Nai Samaj Sakte.

    Control Tower: Arrey Boliye Bhi Kya Problem Hai!!!
    Girl: Bass Akela Rehnay Dein Mujhe. Aap Se Kuch Bhi Kehna Bekaar Hai.

    Control Tower: Arrey Diwaani Aurat, 200 Passengers Hai Uss Plane Mein!

    Girl: Haa Meri Toh Koi Fikr Hi Nahin, Un 200 Ki Parwa Hai Bas. Mujhe Nai Karni Koi Baat...!!!
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