• Speaking English Kills You

    For those of you who watch what you eat. Here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies.

    1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

    2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

    3. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

    4. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

    5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

    CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
  • Cancel Your Credit Card Before You Die

    A lady died in 2016 January, and HDFC Bank billed her for Feb '16 & Mar '16 for annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charges!!! The balance had been Rs. 0.00 when she died, but now it was around Rs.6000. A family member placed a call to HDFC Bank. Here is the conversatio:

    Family Member: "I am calling to tell you that she died in Jan '16."

    HDFC Bank: "The account was never closed. So the late fees & charges still apply."

    Family Member: "Maybe, you should turn it over to yr collections dept."

    HDFC Bank: "Since it is two months overdue, it already has been."

    Family Member: "So, what will they do when they find out she is no more?"

    HDFC Bank: "Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureauor maybe both!"

    Family Member: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"

    HDFC Bank: "Excuse me?"

    Family Member: 'Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?"

    HDFC Bank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor."

    Supervisor gets on the phone:

    Family Member: "I'm calling to inform you that she died in Jan '16 with a Rs.0 balance on her credit card."

    HDFC Bank: "The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply."

    Family Member: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"

    HDFC Bank: (Stammer) "Are you her lawyer?"

    Family Member: "No, I'm her grand nephew."

    HDFC Bank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"

    Family Member: "Sure." (Fax number was given ) After they got the fax:

    HDFC Bank: "Our system isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help."

    Family Member: "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. She won't care."

    HDFC Bank: "Well, the late fees and charges will still apply."

    (What is wrong with these people?!?)
    Family Member: "Would you like her new billing address?"

    HDFC Bank: "That might help..."

    Family Member: "Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Grave no 1169, Avinashi, Coimbatore."

    HDFC Bank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"

    Family Member: "And what do you do with dead people on your planet???"
  • Where's My Goat?

    There were these two guys out hiking when they came upon an old, abandoned mine shaft. Curious about its depth they threw in a pebble and waited for the sound of it striking the bottom, but they heard nothing.

    They went and got a bigger rock, threw it in and waited. Still nothing.

    They searched the area for something larger and came upon a railroad tie. With great difficulty, the two men carried it to the opening and threw it in. While waiting for it to hit bottom, a goat suddenly darted between them and leapt into the hole!

    The guys were still standing there with astonished looks upon their faces from the actions of the goat when a man walked up to them.

    He asked them if they had seen a goat anywhere in the area and they said that one had just jumped into the mine shaft in front of them!

    The man replied, "Oh no. That couldn't be my goat, mine was tied to a railroad tie."
  • Living With Sisters!

    The Matchmaker goes to see Mr. Avery, a confirmed bachelor for many years.
    "Mr. Avery, don't leave it too late. I have exactly the one you need. You only have to say the word and you'll meet and be married in no time!" says the Matchmaker.

    "Don't bother," replies Mr. Avery, "I've two sisters at home who look after all my needs."

    "That's all well and good, but all the sisters in the world cannot fill the role of a wife."

    "I said 'two sisters'. I didn't say they were MY sisters."
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