• Water or Whiskey?

    The Irish priest was at the altar one dreary Sunday morning, addressing his congregation with a vehement sermon that alcohol was the work of the devil.

    "As an example," he stated during his sermon, "If you were to lead a donkey to a bowl of water and a bowl of whiskey, from which would he drink?"

    A grizzled old Mick at the back of the church spoke up, "Aye, Father, for sure he'd drink from the water."

    The priest, elated, said, "Very good, my son. And can you tell me WHY he'd drink from the water?"

    The Irishman at the back of the church replied, "Sure, I can tell ye' why, Father. Because he's an ass!"
  • What would you like to have?

    A man goes into a bar very thirsty. He sits down waiting for the bartender to see him.

    The man next to him calls for the bartender saying, "I'll have another waterloo."

    The bartender gives him a tall ice cold drink, then asks the newcomer what he would like to drink.

    Wanting to try this new drink he says "I'll have a waterloo, too." The bartender gives him a tall ice cold drink.

    He takes a big drink and says "HEY! This isn't any good. It tastes just like water!"

    The man next to him looks at the bartender and says, "Well, it is water... right, Lou?
  • Paying in Coins!

    A man in the pub orders a beer. He gets it and begins to drink it and notices the beer is kind of warm. So he mentions something to the bartender, who tells him to shut up and just drink his beer.

    Then it is time to pay and instead of giving three $1 dollar bills to the bartender the guy throws 30 dimes behind the counter.

    The bartender is pissed and is on his hands and knees collecting change as the guy leaves.

    The next day the man is back and he comes in waiving a $3 dollar bill.

    The bartender thinks, "Okay, business is business..." and lets him in. Again, the beer is kind of warm, but the guy doesn't say anything.

    Comes time to pay, the man gives him the $5 note.

    The bartender goes to the register to get the change, but instead of taking out two $1 dollar bills, he takes out 20 dimes and throws them all around the entire pub. The bartender says, "There is your f**king change!"

    The man looks around and remains quite calm. He takes out 10 dimes, throws them behind the counter and says, "Gimme another beer!"
  • Bad Timing!

    Life just gets better as you get older doesn't it.

    I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to fart.

    The place was packed but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my farts to the beat of the music.

    After a couple of songs I started to feel much better.

    I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me.

    I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my I-Pod.

    This is what happens when old people start using up-to-date Technology.