|Two old men meet on a street corner. The first old man said, "Where have you been for the last couple of months?"|
The second old man replied, "I was in jail."
The firsst old man asked, "You were in jail? Why were you in jail?"
He replied, "Well, about two months ago I was standing on a corner, and this beautiful young woman rushes up with a policeman, points to me and says, 'He is the man, officer, he is the one who attacked and raped me'."
The first old man said, "What? And you let her get away with it?"
Second old replied, "Well, I'll tell you, I felt so flattered, I admitted to it."
|Charlie was a very successful marketing director. Sadly, his wife Rita dies. At the cemetery, Joe's friends and family are appalled to see that the headstone reads:|
"Here lies Rita, wife of Charlie, MCIM, Post Graduate Diploma in Marketing and Marketing Director of Quality Marketing Services Ltd."
Charlie was standing in front of Rita's grave reading the headstone when he suddenly burst into tears.
His brother says to him, "I'm not at all surprised that you find this distasteful. It's right that you should cry, pulling a cheap stunt like this on our Rita's headstone."
Through his tears, Joe sobs, "You don't understand. They left out the phone number."
|A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.|
He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do they do here?”
He was told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day."
The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on and checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more countries... He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell...
Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, What do they do here?"
He was told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour..Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes and beats you for the rest of the day."
"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells---so why are so many people waiting to get in here?" asked the man.
Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed and the Indian devil is a former Govt. servant, so he comes in and signs the register and then goes to the canteen!
|After having failed his exam in “Logistics and Organization”, a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.|
Student, “Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?”
Professor, “Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!”
Student, “Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an 'A' for the exam.”
Professor, “Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?”
Student: “What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?”
Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an 'A', as agreed.
Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.
He immediately answers, “Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an 'A', although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical.”