|An annoyingly self-righteous man went to the doctor for a check-up. He said, "I feel terrible. Please examine me and tell me what's wrong with me."|
"Let's begin with a few questions," said the doctor. "Do you drink much?"
"Alcohol?" said the man. "I'm a teetotaller. Never touch a drop."
"How about smoking?" asked the doctor.
"Never," replied the man. "Tobacco is bad and I have strong principles against it."
"Well, uh," asked the doctor, "do you have much of a sex life?"
"Oh, no," said the man.
"Sex is sin. I'm in bed by 10:30 every night... always have been."
The doctor paused, looked at the man hard, and asked, "Well, do you have pains in your head?"
"Yes," said the man. "I have terrible pains in my head."
"OK," said the doctor. "That's your trouble. Your halo is on too tight."
|A man is hired by the circus to perform a necessary but rather unpleasant task. He is asked to walk behind the elephants in the center ring, shoveling aside their droppings as they walk about. After a rather difficult evening at work, he goes to the circus cafeteria, sits with other workers, and begins complaining about his work.|
"It's just terrible work, walking behind those huge beasts and first dodging, then shoveling aside the dung they produce. My arms are tired, my shoes and pants are a mess, and I'll have to shower before I return home, because of the stink."
His friends at work agree, "Why don't you just quit this miserable job and find something more rewarding to do. You have to have some skills and talents that you can put to use somewhere else."
He looks at them, stunned, "You know, you're probably right, but I just can't give up the glamour of show business!"
|My Income Tax return form has been sent back because, In response to a question for 'Number of Dependents on you?', I replied:|
"65% of population who doesn't pay taxes, 21 million illegal immigrants, 9,00,000 criminals in over 1382 prisons and above all 544+ MPs in parliament and 4000 MLA's of states.
They said, this is not an acceptable answer.
I am still wondering..... Who the hell did I miss out!!!
|A young man was a very slow worker and subsequently found it difficult to hold down a job. After a visit to the employment office, he was offered work at the local zoo.|
When he arrived for his first day, the keeper, aware of his reputation, told him to take care of the tortoise section. Later, the keeper dropped by to see how the young man was doing and found him standing by an empty enclosure with the gate open.
"Where are the tortoises?" he asked.
"I can't believe it," said the new employee, "I just opened the door and whoosh, they were gone!"