• Shameless Man

    Lady calls up police department: Officer, there is a man exposing himself in the next building.

    Officer: OK, we'll be right over, lady.

    Five minutes later at her apartment.

    Officer: Which way, lady?

    Lady: This way officer, he's still shamelessly baring himself.

    Officer: Where is he, lady? I don't see no naked man.

    Lady: Oh, you have to look through this telescope.
  • The Mind Reader

    The Mind Reader
    The weather was very hot and this man wanted desperately to take a dive in a nearby lake. He didn't bring his swimming outfit, but who cared? He was all alone. So he undressed and got into the water.

    After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old ladies walked onto the shore in his direction. He panicked, got out of the water and grabbed a bucket lying in the sand nearby. He held the bucket in front of his private area and sighed with relief.

    The ladies got nearby and looked at him. He felt awkward and wanted to move.

    Then one of the ladies said, "You know, I have a special gift, I can read minds."

    "Impossible', said the embarrassed man, 'You really know what I think?"

    "Yes", the lady replied, "Right now, I bet you think that the bucket you're holding has a bottom."
  • The Popular Girl

    Two salesmen were writing up their orders when the conversation came around to last night's big date.

    "So how'd it go, Joe?" asked Bill.

    "Terrible," admitted Joe. "The moment we got back to her place the phone started ringing. There must have been fifteen calls from guys wanting to ask her out. It never stopped, and we never even got started."

    Bill tried to comfort him, "It could have been worse, Joe. After all, an attractive young woman's allowed to have her number in the phone book, now isn't she?"

    "Yeah," Joe replied, "but not in the Yellow Pages!"
  • Stop That!

    Stop That!
    A very attractive young lady was sitting in a fine restaurant one night.

    Waiting for her date as she was, she wanted to make sure everything was perfect.

    So, as she bends down in her chair to get the mirror from her purse, she accidentally farts quite loudly just as the waiter walks up.

    Sitting up straight now, embarrassed and red faced, knowing everyone in the place heard her, turns to the waiter and demands, "Stop That!"

    The waiter looks at her dryly and says "Sure lady, which way was it headed?"
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