• A Good Looking Horse!

    A city slicker was driving through the country when he spotted a horse standing in a field. He was quite taken with the animal and so pulled over to ask the farmer if it was for sale.

    "Afraid not," said the farmer.

    "I'll give you a thousand bucks!" said the city fella.

    "I can't sell you that horse. He don't look too good," replied the farmer.

    "I know horses, and he looks fine. I'll give you two thousand!" "Well, all right, if you want him so bad."

    The next day, the man returned the horse, screaming that he had been gypped. "You sold me a blind horse!"

    "Well," said the farmer, "I told you he didn't look too good."
  • With Age Comes Wisdom

    An 86 year-old man is out fishing. He was sitting in his boat when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up!"

    He looked around and did not see any one. He thought he was dreaming until he heard the voice again.

    "Pick me up." The old man looked in the water and there, floating on a lilly pad was a frog.

    The man said, "Are you talking to me?"

    The frog replied, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up. Then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because you will have me as your bride."

    The man looked at the frog for a minute in confusion, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front pocket.

    The frog screamed, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said?? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride!"

    He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, "Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."
  • Latest Airport Security Device

    What a simple and brilliant idea! I particularly like the 'spare' seat announcement!! It's hard to beat Israeli technology!

    TEL AVIV, Israel - The Israelis are developing an airport security device that eliminates the privacy concerns that come with full-body scanners.

    It's an armoured booth you step into that will not X-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on your person.

    Israel sees this as a win-win situation for everyone, with none of this crap about racial profiling. It will also eliminate the costs of long and expensive trials.

    You're in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion. Shortly thereafter, an announcement:

    "Attention to all standby passengers, El Al is pleased to announce a seat available on Flight 670 to London. Shalom!" BRILLIANT !
  • Evil Spell

    Once upon a time there was a Prince who, through no fault of his own was cast under a spell by an evil witch. The curse was that the Prince could speak only one word each year. However, he could save up the words so that if he did not speak for a whole year, then the following year he was allowed to speak two words. (This was before the time of letter writing or sign language.)

    One day he met a beautiful princess (ruby lips, golden hair, sapphire eyes,) and fell madly in love. With the greatest difficulty he decided to refrain from speaking for two whole years so that he could look at her and say: 'My Darling'.

    But at the end of the two years he wished to tell her that he loved her. Because of this he waited three more years without speaking (bringing the total number of silent years to 5).

    But at the end of these five years he realized that he had to ask her to marry him. So he waited ANOTHER four years without speaking.

    Finally as the ninth year of silence ended, his joy knew no bounds.

    Leading the lovely princess to the most secluded and romantic place in that beautiful royal garden the prince heaped a hundred red roses on her lap, knelt before her, and taking her hand in his, said huskily, "My darling, I love you! Will you marry me?"

    And the princess tucked a strand of golden hair behind a dainty ear, opened her sapphire eyes in wonder, and parting her ruby lips, said, "Pardon?"
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