• The Butt of Your Own Joke

    I work in the electronics department of a major retailer. The phone rings one evening. On the other end is a girl, who sounds to be about 18 or so, and I can hear muffled giggles behind her, so I know she's got it on speakerphone. She insults me the whole time but I never take the bait.

    Me: Electronics, how can I help you?

    Caller: Oh... yeah, do you have cameras there? Like, the expensive kind. I don't expect you to carry high-end brands.

    Me: Yes, we do.

    Caller: Do you have any green ones? I bet your selection's really small and you carry only black ones.

    Me: Yes, we have a Nikon model that is green.

    Caller: Is it waterproof? Do you even know what I'm talking about? I bet I could do your job better than you.

    I refuse to take the bait and said: Yes, this model is waterproof to 75 feet.

    Caller: That means it takes pictures underwater, right? Do you know what that means?

    Me, now certain this is a prank call: Right...

    Caller: Can it take a picture of a tree?

    Me: Yes, it can.

    Caller: Can it take a picture of my BUTT?

    Cue giggling from the other end, that explodes into full-blown laughter When I Said: Oh, no, I'm sorry, miss; this model doesn't have a wide angle lens!
  • Management Lesson

    His Phone rang in church by accident during prayers...

    The Pastor scolded him.

    The worshippers admonished him after prayer for interrupting the silence.

    His wife kept on kept on lecturing him on his carelessness till they reached home.

    You could see the shame, embarrassment and humiliation on his face.

    He has never stepped foot in the church ever again.

    That evening, he went to a bar.

    He was still nervous and trembling.

    He spilled his drink on the table by accident.

    The waiter apologized, gave him a napkin to clean himself up.

    The janitor also mopped the floor.

    The female manager offered him a complimentary drink.

    She also gave him a huge hug and kissed him while saying "Don't worry man. Who doesn't make a mistake?"

    He has never stopped going to that bar since then.

    Management Lesson: You can make a difference by how you treat people especially when they make mistakes.
  • Christmas Raffle

    Several days before Halloween, Tom, Dick and Harry were sitting in a bar enjoying a few quiet drinks, when they decided to get in on the Christmas raffle.

    Since the raffle was for charity, they bought five tickets each. When the raffle was drawn a few days later, they each won a prize.

    Tom won the first prize - a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce.

    Dick was the winner of the second prize - a six month supply of extra-long gourmet spaghetti.

    And Harry won the sixth prize - a toilet brush.

    The next time they met at the bar, Harry asked the others how they were enjoying their prizes. "Great," said Tom. "I love spaghetti."

    "Me too," replied Dick.

    "And how's the toilet brush, Harry?"

    "Not so good," Harry groaned, "I reckon I'll go back to toilet paper."
  • Speeding Ticket

    A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.

    The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?"

    "Ever go fishing?" the policeman suddenly asked the man.

    "Ummm, yeah..." the startled man replied.

    The officer grinned and added, "Did you ever catch all the fish?"