• Romantic Dinner!!!

    One evening a man walked into a fast-food chicken place and bought a nine-piece bucket of chicken. He took his chicken to the park for a romantic dinner under the moonlight with his lady.

    Upon reaching into the bucket, however, he received a surprise. Instead of chicken he discovered what was apparently the restaurant's night deposit - some nine thousand bucks. The young man brought the bucket back to the store and asked for his chicken in exchange for the money.

    The manager, in awe of the young man's honesty, asked for his name and told him he wanted to call the newspaper and the local news station to do a story on him. He would become a local hero, an example of honesty and morality that would inspire others!

    The hungry man shrugged it off, "My date's waiting. I just want my chicken."

    The manager's renewed amazement over the young man's humility almost overwhelmed him. He begged to be allowed to tell the story on the news. At this the honest man became angry with the manager and demanded his chicken.

    "I don't get it," the manager responded. "You are an honest man in a dishonest world! This is a perfect opportunity to show the world that there are honest people still willing to take a stand for what is right. Please, give me your name and also the woman's name. Is that your wife?"

    "That's the problem," said the young man. "My wife is at home. The woman in the car is my girlfriend. Now let me have my chicken so I can get out of here."
  • New Deal

    New Deal
    The supervisor for the Union of Road Construction Workers called the meeting to order.

    "Men - we've agreed on a new deal with the state. We'll no longer have to work FOUR days a week!"

    "HOOORAY!!!" the crowd cheered. "We'll quit work at 4 PM and not 5 PM!"

    "HOORAY!!!" the crowd roared.

    "We don't have to be in until 11 AM instead of 10 AM!"

    "HOORAY!!!" the crowd thundered.

    "And now, even though 90% of the roads in the country are in bad shape, we'll only have to work on Wednesdays!!"

    Silence.

    A voice from the back of the room asks, "You mean, EVERY Wednesday?"
  • Congrats Letter

    Congrats Letter
    Dear Joey,

    I was much too sensitive about your Mohawk, tattoo and pierced nose. I now realize motorcycles aren't really that dangerous, and I really should not have reacted that way to the fact that you have never held a job.

    I am also very sure that some other very nice people live under the bridge in the park, too. Sure my daughter is only 18 and wants to marry you instead of going to Harvard on full scholarship. After all, you can't learn everything about life from books.

    I sometimes forget how backward I can be. I was wrong. I was a fool. I have now come to my senses and you have my full blessing to marry my daughter.

    Sincerely, Your future father-in-law.

    P.S. Congratulations on winning the lottery!
  • Talking Dog

    Talking Dog
    A young boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered what money his parents gave him.

    "Hmmmm," he wonders, "How am I gonna get more dough?"

    Then he gets an idea. He calls his father. "Dad," he says, "you won't believe the wonders that modern education are coming up with! Why, they actually have a program here that will teach Fido how to talk!"

    "That's absolutely amazing!" his father says.

    "How do I get him in that program?"

    "Just send him down here with $1000," the boy says, "I'll get him into the course."

    So, his father sends the dog and the $1000. About 2/3 way through the semester, the money runs out. The boy calls his father again.

    "So how's Fido doing, son?" his father asks.

    "Awesome, dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this -they've had such good results with this program, that they've implemented a new one to teach the animals how to READ!"

    "READ!?" says his father, "No kidding! What do I have to do to get him in that program?"

    "Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."

    And his father sends the money. At the end of the semester, the boy has a problem. When he gets home, his father will find out that the dog can neither talk nor read. So he shoots the dog.

    When he gets home, his father is all excited. "Where's Fido? I just can't wait to hear him talk and listen to him read something!"

    "Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. This morning, when I got out of the shower, Fido was in the living room kicking back in the recliner, reading the morning paper, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, 'So, is your dad still messing around with that little blonde who lives in Next Street?'

    The father says, "Oh, shit; I hope you SHOT that lying son of a bitch!"

    "I sure did, Dad!"

    "That's my boy!"
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