• The Good Bishop

    The good bishop knew very well that everyone in his small town look to him for an example. One night, however, after a long, hard day, he came to his last visitation.

    His hostess, noting that he looked tired, asked with concern, "A spot of tea, Bishop?"

    "No, thank you," he managed. "No tea."

    "Ah," she said. "Coffee, then?"

    "No coffee either, thank you."

    In the spirit of intrigue, she leaned closer and murmured, "I could bring you a scotch and soda in a dark mug?"

    "My dear, this is my last word, "NO soda."
  • Counter Proverbs

    Newton's third law states:
    Every action has an equal and an opposite reaction.
    So it would stand to reason that every proverb has an equal and opposite proverb.

    Actions speak louder than words.
    vs
    The pen is mightier than the sword.

    Look before you leap.
    vs
    He who hesitates is lost.

    Many hands make light work.
    vs
    Too many cooks spoil the broth.

    Clothes make the man.
    vs
    Don't judge a book by its cover.

    Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
    vs
    Better safe than sorry.

    The bigger, the better.
    vs
    The best things come in small packages.

    Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
    vs
    Out of sight, out of mind.

    What will be, will be.
    vs
    Life is what you make it.

    Cross your bridges when you come to them.
    vs
    Forewarned is forearmed.

    What's good for the goose is good for the gander.
    vs
    One man's meat is another man's poison.

    With age comes wisdom.
    vs
    Out of the mouths of babes come all wise sayings.

    The more, the merrier.
    vs
    Two's company; three's a crowd.
  • Engineer vs Surgeon

    An engineer was removing the engine parts from a motorcycle when he saw a famous heart surgeon in his shop.

    He went to him & said... "Look at this engine... I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired and put them back... So why do I get such a small salary and you get huge sums....!"

    The doctor smiled at the engineer and came close to his ear and said.... "Yeah, I agree... It's Almost same but try the same when the engine is running."

    Now, Here comes the Classic Revenge...

    The engineer smiled back, came close to doctors ear and said, " I can pick any dead engine and make it alive... can you ???"

    And surgeon was speechless....!
  • Hiring Lingo

    Clarification Of Hiring Lingo

    Competitive Salary - We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

    Join Our Fast-Paced Company - We have no time to train you.

    Casual Work Atmosphere - We don't pay you enough to expect that you will dress up.

    Must Be Deadline Oriented - You will be six months behind schedule on your first day.

    Some Overtime Required - Some time each night and some time each weekend.

    Duties Will Vary - Anyone in the office can boss you around.

    Must Have An Eye For Detail - We have no quality control.

    Career-Minded - Female applicants must be childless (and stay that way).

    Apply In Person - If you're fat, old, or ugly, you will be told the position has been filled.

    No Phone Calls Please - We already have someone for the job, our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

    Seeking Candidates With A Wide Variety of Experience - You will need it to replace three people who have just left.

    Problem Solving Skills A Must - You are walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

    Requires Team Leadership Skills - You will have the responsibilities of a manager; without the pay or respect.

    Good Communication Skills - Management communicates; you listen, figure out what they want, and do it.
ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT