• That's Odd !

    A mother and father named their child "Odd". Because of his unfortunate name, poor Odd had the worst life you could imagine.

    In school, he was always picked on and had trouble making friends. In college he never fit in and struggled to gain the respect of his peers. In life he drifted from job to job, unable to find steady work. He never found the love of his life and lived a lonely bachelor.

    And so one day Odd decided he couldn't go on anymore and took his own life. In his suicide note he demanded that his grave be a blank headstone with no mention of his name, so that he could be completely and utterly forgotten.

    And yet every time someone walks past his grave, they see his wordless stone and go, "That's odd..."
  • New Words for 2016

    Errorist : Someone who repeatedly makes mistakes.

    Cellfish : Those who continue to talk on their cell phone, oblivious to the effect on others around them. a bitch than the average bitch. Dudevorce : When two male best friends officially end their friendship over a lame disagreement, usually concerning a girl. Nonversation : A completely worthless conversation, wherein nothing is illuminated, explained or otherwise elaborated upon. Typically occurs at parties, bars or other events.

    Destinesia : When you get to where you were intending to go, you forget why you were going there in the first place. Not to be confused with being stoned.

    Unkeyboardinated : Lacking physical or mental keyboard coordination; unable to type without repeatedly making mistakes.

    Cellfish : Those who continue to talk on their cell phone, oblivious to the effect on others around them.

    Textpectation : The anticipation one feels when waiting for a response to a text message.

    Carcolepsy : The inability to stay awake and alert when in a car, or any other thing that moves, such as trains, planes, and buses.

    Hiberdating : Someone who ignores all their other friends when they are dating a boyfriend/girlfriend.

    Wexting: Texting while walking.

    Selfiecide: The death of a person which occurs while taking selfies.

    Deja Poop : The feeling that the same shit keeps happening over and over to you!
  • Job Interview

    Interviewers ask questions to Pela for his new job after VRS... His answers:

    Question: Please tell us about yourself?
    Answer: Yourself is pronoun used when the subject and object of the verb are you.

    Question: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
    Answer: Asking stupid questions to candidates.


    Question: What are your expectatios?
    Answer: A Salary.

    Question: What challenges you faced in your earlier job?
    Answer: Staying awake after lunch.

    Question: Why do you want to join our company?
    Answer: Nobody else is taking me. Your company is closer to my home.

    Question: What attracts you to our company?
    Answer: The receptionist.

    Question: Which big mistake you did in the previous company?
    Answer: Got caught with MD's wife.

    Question: Why you left previous job?
    Answer: Previous company shifted office and didn't inform me the new address.

    Question: Are you willing to travel 20 days in a month?
    Answer: Yes, just don't ask me where I had gone...
  • When Shit Happens

    Sometimes when shit happens, you want to be able to articulate the experience more than just you've, taken a shit. Here are some shit definitions to help you explain the situation better to your friends and family...

    Ghost Shit
    You know you've shit. There's shit on the toilet paper, but no shit in the bowl.

    Teflon Coated Shit
    Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of shit on the toilet paper, you have to look in the bowl to be sure you did it!

    Gooey Shit
    This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your ass 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This shit leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.

    Second Thought Shit
    You're all done wiping your ass and you're about to stand up when you realize it.....you've got some more.

    Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Shit
    This kind is the kind of shit that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.

    Bali Belly Shit
    You shit so much you lose 5 kilos.

    Right Now Shit
    You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.

    King Kong or Commode Choker Shit
    This shit is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of shit usually happens at someone else's house.

    Wet Cheeks Shit
    This shit hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your ass wet.

    Wish Shit
    You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no shit!

    Cement Block or Oh God Shit
    You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you shit.

    Snake Shit
    This shit is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long.

    Cork Shit (Also Known as Floater Shit)
    Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This shit usually happens at someone else's house.

    Mexican Food Shit (also called Screamers)
    You'll know it's alright to eat again when your asshole stops burning.

    Beer Drunk Shit
    This happens the day after the night before. Normally your shit doesn't smell too bad, but this shit is BAD. Usually there's somebody standing outside to use the bathroom. This kind of shit also usually happens at someone else's house.

    The Frightened Turtle
    The kind of shit that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in.

    The Bungee Shit
    The kind of shit that just hangs off your ass before it falls into the water.

    The Ring of Fire Shit
    The kind of shit where you eat really spicy food and your asshole feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.

    The Crippler
    The kind of shit where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.

    The Big Bobber
    The kind of shit that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the surface.

    The Shitty Shitty Bang Bang
    The kind of shit that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.

    The Incredible Hulk Shit
    The king of shit that sits in the toilet overnight and mysteriously expands to twice it's normal size.

    The Jack the Ripper Shit
    The kind of shit that yanks out the hair of your ass as it pushes its way out.

    The Party Pooper
    The giant shit you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.

    The Toxic Gas Shit
    The kind of shit that makes you pass out and fall of the toilet before you finish, and then you wake up in some strange South American town.

    Dirty Bowl Shit
    The kind of shit that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl.

    The Windy City Shit
    When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a shit.

    Oh Shit! Shit
    You shit so much and wipe your ass so furiously you run out of toilet paper and you say OH SHIT!

    The Never Ending Shit
    It's the shit that keeps running out of your ass like pea, and just when you start wiping your ass your stomach gargles and splash, more shit runs out. This always happens after eating at Kentucky Fried Chicken.

    Ouch That Hurt Shit
    The type of shit that leaves you feeling like you just hoped onto a bicycle without a seat. Sensation usually lasts hours.
ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT