• Sahara forest!

    A large, well established, lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good Lumberjack. The very next day, a skinny little man showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the head lumberjacks' door.
    The head lumberjack took one look at the little man and told him to leave.
    "Just give me a chance to show you what I can do," said the skinny man.
    "Okay, see that giant tree over there?" said the lumberjack. "Take your axe and go cut it down."
    The skinny man headed for the tree, and in five minutes he was back knocking on the lumberjack's door.
    I cut the tree down," said the man.
    The lumberjack couldn't believe his eyes and said, "Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?"
    "In the Sahara Forest," replied the puny man.
    "You mean the Sahara Desert," said the lumberjack.
    The little man laughed and answered back, "Oh sure, that's what they call it now!"
  • Work Telephones

    The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting... on a Saturday morning... after breakfast...

    Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone. I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.

    Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone.

    Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile.

    Maid: So - what is the problem? We all use our work telephones !!!!!
  • Upside Down

    A blind man was traveling in his private jet when he detected something was wrong.

    He made his way to the cockpit and got no response from his pilot. The blind guy then found the radio and started calling the tower.

    "Help! Help!"

    The tower came back and asked, "What's the problem?"

    The blind guy yelled, "Help me! I'm blind... the pilot is dead, and we're flying upside down!"

    The tower comes back and asked, "How do you know you're upside down?"

    "Because the shit is running down my back!"
  • Accident

    A bloke is driving around in the Australian bush and because it`s Australia his truck has got a `roo bar` on the front that protects it if he hits a kangaroo.
    Suddenly he hits something, so he gets out and sees that there`s a pig wedged between his `roo bar` and his truck.
    He tries to get it out but it`s stuck tight, so he gets on his CB radio and asks for advice.
    `Breaker breaker. I`ve got a pig stuck behind my `roo bar. How can I get it out?`
    A reply comes back, `Just slice open the pig and let the guts spill out. The pig will fall out.`
    So the guy does this and as predicted the pig falls straight out. `OK, I`ve cut open the pig and it`s out, but now I`ve got another problem.`
    `What is it now?` says the bloke on the radio.
    `What do I do with his motorcycle and helmet?`