• Diary of a Young Wife

    Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home.
    It's fun to cook for Tim. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, "Beat 12 eggs separately."
    Well, I didn't have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow 12 bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine though.

    We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, "Serve without dressing."
    So I didn't dress. But Tim happened to bring a friend home for supper that night. They both looked so startled when I served them, I think it was the salad.

    I decided to serve rice and found a recipe which said, `Wash thoroughly before steaming the rice."
    So I heated some water and took a bath before steaming the rice. Sounded kind of silly in the middle of the day. I can't say it improved the rice anyhow.

    Today Tim asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said, "Prepare ingredients, and then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving."
    I hunted all over the place for a garden and when I got one, I tossed my salad into the bed of lettuce and stood over there for over one hour so the dog would not take it. Tim came over and asked if I felt all right. I wonder why? He must be stressed at work; I'll try to be supportive.

    Today I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, "Put all ingredients in a bowl and beat it."
    Beat it I did, to my mum's place. There must have been something wrong with the recipe, because when I came back home again; it looked the same as when I left it.

    Tim went shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I'm sure I don't know how hens dress for Sunday. I never noticed back on the farm, but I found an old doll dress and its little cute shoes. I thought the hen looked really cute. When Tim saw it, he started counting to ten. Either he was really stressed because of his work, or he wanted the chicken to dance.
    When I asked him what was wrong he started crying and shouting out, "Why me? Why me?"
  • If My Body Were A Car

    If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model.

    I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull but that's not the worst of it.

    My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close.

    My traction is not as graceful as it once was.I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.

    My spare tyres are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

    But here's the worst of it...

    Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter..... either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires.
  • How To Make Pie

    Grandma made such beautiful pies. One day I asked her, "How do you get such beautiful pies with the crimps around the edge so even?"

    "Well, it's a family secret," she said. "But if you promise not to tell, I'll let you in on it."

    "Okay," I said. "Tell me!"

    "Well, first, I roll out the dough, making sure it is flat and even. Then I cut out the bottom layer and carefully put in the pie plate and make sure it is firmly against the sides of the plate.

    "Then I slowly pour in the filling, making sure it's not too full.

    "Next, I cut out the top layer and carefully put it over the filling.

    "Finally, I take out my teeth and just run them around the edge of the pie crust, and they make the nicest even impressions you ever did see!"
  • Best Way To Reduce Crime

    There was this ancient story teller...

    One of his stories was about a Kingdom that was having a lot of crime so the King said, "Whoever comes up with a solution that works will be greatly rewarded."

    Many tried but their solutions did not work until this Old Man said he had the solution.

    He asked to tear down all the jails and prisons. Then he had one jail for one person built.

    Right away they had someone who committed a crime.

    The Old Man said, "Put him in jail."

    Very soon another committed a crime and the officers came to ask the Old Man what to do with him to which the Old Man answered, Kill the first one and put this one in jail!"

    That ended the crime in the Kingdom.