• Pilot Recruitment

    The chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. He directed a nearby Air Force base that will be opened and that all eligible young men and women be invited.

    As he and his staff were standing near a brand new F-15 Fighter, a pair of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a Marine Corps recruiting poster walked up to them. The chief of staff walked up to them, stuck out his hand and introduced himself.

    He looked at the first young man and asked, "Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?"

    The young man looks at him and says, "I'm a pilot!"

    The general gets all excited, turns to his aide and says, "Get him in today, all the paper work done, everything, do it!"

    The aide hustles the young man off. The general looks at the second young man and asked, "What skills to you bring to the Air Force?"

    The young man says, "I chop wood!"

    "Son," the general replies, "we don't need wood choppers in the Air Force, what do you know how to do?"

    "I chop wood!"

    "Young man," huffs the general, "you are not listening to me, we don't need wood choppers, this is the 20th century!"

    "Well," the young man says, "you hired my brother!"

    "Of course we did," says the general, "he's a pilot!"

    The young man rolls his eyes and says, "So what! I have to chop it before he can pile it!"
  • Getting a Haircut

    Woman1: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!

    Woman2: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?

    Woman1: Oh God no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.

    Woman2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable, and you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.

    Woman1: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line.

    Woman2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms - see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.......


    Men's version:

    Man1: Haircut?
    Man2: Yeah.
  • Irish Eye Test

    Seamus is having a bit of trouble seeing things at a distance so he goes into an opticians for an eye test.

    The optician asks him to cover his right eye with his left hand and read the letters on the card.

    Now Seamus has always had difficulty telling right from left so the optician says not to worry and to cover his left eye with his left hand and then read the letters on the card but still Seamus has problems.

    The optician, being a helpful chap, has a brilliant idea and taking a cardboard box, cuts out two small square holes and puts it over Seamus' head with the words, "There, now cover up one of the holes and read the letters on the card through the other hole."

    Seamus however bursts into tears and the optician becomes very concerned, takes the box off his head and askes why he's crying.

    Seamus replies, "I wanted a metal frame like me brother's got."
  • A Free Haircut

    A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. he placed the boy in the chair.

    "I'm going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade," he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

    When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you."

    "That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut!'"