|A lady is having a bad day at the table in Monte Carlo.|
Down to her last Pound 100, completely exasperated, she cries, "What rotten luck! What in the world should I do now?"
A gent next to her, trying to calm her down a bit, calmly suggests, "I don't know... Why don't you play your age?"
He walks away. Moments later, his he is intrigued to hear a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe, she won!
Rushing back to the table and pushing his way through the crowd, he is stunned to see the lady lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her.
He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?"
"I don't know, she put everything on number 24 and when 36 came up, she screamed and then fainted."
|At a party in an MNC the boss ordered a young junior lady Officer to say a joke to all.|
The lady Officer didn't like the way he ordered and his attitude. But finally she agreed for a joke. See what she said....
Once their was a fight between Human Body Parts. Brain said I am the Boss, because I take all decisions.
Feet said they want to be the boss because they carry the whole load.
Heart said it is the lifeline and no one can survive without it.
Similarly, Lungs, kidney, liver, Hands, Eyes, etc came up with their reasons.
While the argument was at its peak, Asshole shouted, 'Why should I be ignored? I am also eligible to be a boss.'
All body parts started laughing at it.
Asshole got annoyed and went on Strike, blocked itself and refused to open. In a short time, Hands Cranked, Eyes Blurred, Ears Emitted Hot Air, Brain Got Heavy, Heart and Lungs Panicked.
Finally they all agreed and accepted Asshole should be the BOSS.
It doesn't matter how talented you are...?
Any Asshole can be your Boss !!!!
All junior officers clapped. The CEO was shocked.
|Dobbins lost his eye in an accident and couldn't afford the price of a glass eye. So he carved one out of wood. But he was so self-conscious that he never left the house.|
Finally, his friend Eddy came over and forced him to go out.
"There's a dance over at the club," he said. "So what if one of your eyes is made out of wood?"
"All right," said Dobbins, "but if anybody makes fun of my eye I'm leaving."
He went to the dance and stood around, trying to build up his courage. And then he saw a woman standing alone in the corner. She was very attractive, but she had a hunchback.
"She's worse off than me," Dobbins thought. "The least I can do is ask her to dance.
He walked across the crowded dance floor and approached the girl. "Would you care to dance?" he asked.
"Would I?!" she exclaimed.
"That does it," he shouted, "Hunchback! Hunchback!"
|Your job sucks? Try this out...|
Stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand.
When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed. Change into some very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer.
Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.
Now the fun part begins!
Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement: "Every rectal thermometer made by Jonson & Johnson is personally tested and then sanitized."
Now close your eyes and repeat out louse five times, "I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson."