|Clever Signages. Good copywriting.|
A sign in a shoe repair store:
We will heel you,
We will save your sole,
We will even dye for you.
Sign over a Gynaecologist's Office:
Dr. Jones, at your cervix.
In a Podiatrist's office:
Time wounds all heels.
At an Optometrist's Office:
If you don't see what you're looking for,
You've come to the right place.
On a Plumber's truck:
We repair what your husband fixed.
On another Plumber's truck:
Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.
On an Electrician's truck:
Let us remove your shorts.
In a Non-smoking Area:
If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and will take appropriate action.
On a Maternity Room door:
Push. Push. Push.
At a Car Dealership:
The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.`
Outside a Muffler Shop:
No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.
In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!
At the Electric Company:
We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time.
However, if you don't, YOU will be de-lighted.
In a Restaurant window:
Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.`
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
Drive carefully. We'll wait.`
In a Chicago Radiator Shop:
Best place in town to take a leak.`
Sign on the back of Septic Tank Truck:
Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises
On another Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
|A group of guys, all aged about 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant, because the waitresses there were pretty.|
Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food was good and the wine selection was excellent.
Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they could dine in peace and quiet and the restaurant had a beautiful view of the ocean.
Ten years later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had an elevator.
Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been there before.
|Grandma was outside pulling weeds on a hot summer day when her grandpa walked up and asked her what they were having for dinner.|
Irritated by the thought of him sitting in the air conditioned house while she labored away on the weeds, she snapped, "I can't believe you're asking me about supper right now! Pretend I'm out of town, go inside and make dinner yourself!"
So grandpa went back in the house and fixed himself a nice big juicy steak, potatoes, garlic bread, and a tall beer.
Grandma walked in just about the time he was finishing up and asked, "Where's my dinner?"
"Huh? I thought you were out of town."
|A gang of hoodlums began hanging out on the steps of the church and hassling worshipers as they came in and out. Finally, the situation got so bad that complaints reached Father Murphy, who decided to go out and talk to the teenagers.|
The priest's appearance was greeted by hoots and catcalls. But he went up to the leader and said, "Boys, I think there are better places for you to hang out than on God's doorstep."
The gang leader defiantly said, "Fuck God."
Father Murphy winced. "You're risking God's wrath by breaking His holy laws and taking his name."
The gang leader said, "Fuck God's laws. You name one, I break it. I swear, I fuck, I steal, I smoke, I shoot people. I'll tell you what. I'm gonna break every single fucking law the church has ever make."
The priest said, "Do you really mean that?"
The gang leader turned to his buddies and said, "Do I ever go back on a promise? Blood oath. I'm gonna break every church law."
"Well," the priest said, "I know of at least one sin you haven't committed."
"Yeah? Tell me what it is and I'll do it."
Father Murphy replied, "There's a strict church law against suicide."