• The Cursing Nun

    This guy unexpectedly got the day off and decided he would spend it on the golf course. After arriving at the club house, he was told that the only way he could play today was if he was willing to play along with three nuns.

    He agreed and set off with the nuns in tow. At the first hole he said, after you, and the nuns insisted that he go first. He took a giant swing and sliced it into a nearby bunker.

    "Goddammit!" he said.

    "Oh, my, please refrain from using that kind of language around us." said the nun.

    "I'm so sorry, ma'am, it won't happen again."

    The nun gets up to the tee and her ball travels about twenty yards, hits a tree, and bounces back and glances off her shin into a rose bush behind them.

    "Well shit, Goddamn, hell, fcuk!" exclaims the nun.

    "Hey, what did you tell me about that?" asks the man.
    "Yeah, well, you didn't hit a fcukin' tree."
  • Golf Betting

    A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him. The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome.

    They were even after the first few holes. The second guy said, "We're about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?"

    The first guy said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the terms.

    The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease.

    As they were walking off number eighteen, the second guy was busy counting his $80.00. He confessed that he was the pro at a neighboring course and liked to pick on suckers. The first fellow revealed that he was the Parish Priest.

    The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money. The Priest said, "You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings."
    v The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

    The Priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation. And, if you want to bring your mother and father along, I'll marry them."
  • It's All About 'LOFT'

    Three guys are golfing with the club pro.

    First guy tees off and hits a dribbler about 60 yards. He turns to the pro and says, "What did I do wrong?"

    The pro says, "Loft."

    The next guy tees off and hits a duck hook into the woods. He asks the pro, "What did I do wrong?"

    The pro says, "Loft."

    The third guy tees off and hits a slice into a pond. He asks the pro, "What did I do wrong?"

    The pro says, "Loft."

    As they're walking to their balls, the first guy finally speaks up. He says to the pro, "The three of us hit completely different tee shots and when we asked you what we did wrong you gave the same exact answer each time, What Is 'Loft?'

    The pro says, "Lack Of F***ing Talent."
  • Damn It...

    Father Murphy was playing golf with a parishioner.

    On the first hole, he sliced into the rough.

    His opponent heard him mutter "Hoover !" under his breath.

    On the second hole, Father Murphy's ball went straight into a water hazard.

    "Hoover!" again a little louder this time.

    On the third hole, a miracle occured and Father Murphy's drive landed on the green only six inches from the hole !

    "Praise be to God !"

    He carefully lined up the putt, but the ball curved around the hole instead of going in. "HOOVER !!!"

    By this time, his opponent couldn't withhold his curiosity any longer, and asked why the priest said "Hoover".

    "It's the biggest dam I know."

    Dam(n)