• Sand Traps

    An octogenarian who was an avid golfer moved to a new town and joined the local Country Club. He went to the Club for the first time to play, but was told that there wasn't anybody he could play with because they were already out on the course. He repeated several times that he really wanted to play today.

    Finally, the assistant Pro said he would play with him and asked him how many strokes he wanted for a bet. The 80 year old said, "I really don't need any strokes as I have been playing quite well. The only real problem I have, is getting out of sand traps."

    And he did play well. Coming to the par four 18th, they were all even.

    The Pro had a nice drive and was able to get on the green and two-putt for a par. The old man had a nice drive, but his approach shot landed in a sand trap next to the green. Playing from the bunker he hit a high ball, which landed on the green and rolled into the cup. Birdie, match and all the money!

    The Pro walked over to the sand trap where his opponent was still standing in the trap.

    He said, "Nice shot, but I thought you said you have a problem getting out of sand traps?"

    Replied the octogenarian "I do, would you please give me a hand."
  • Damn!

    Father Murphy was playing golf with a parishioner. On the first hole, he sliced into the rough. His opponent heard him mutter "Hoover!" under his breath.

    On the second hole, the ball went straight into a water hazard.
    "Hoover!" again, a little louder this time.

    On the third hole, a miracle occurred and Fr. Murphy's drive landed on the green only six inches from the hole! "Praise be to God!"

    He carefully lined up the putt, but the ball curved around the hole instead of going in. "HOOVER!!!!"

    By this time, his opponent couldn't withhold his curiosity any longer, and asked why the priest said, "Hoover".

    "It's the biggest dam I know!"
  • Golf Rider

    Four old geezers came into the pro shop after playing 18 holes and were exhausted.

    The pro asked if they had a good game and the first old guy said, "Pretty good. I had three riders today."

    The second old guy said, "I had five riders."

    The third old man said, "I had seven riders, same as last time."

    The fourth said, "I beat my old record. I had twelve riders. I'll buy!"

    After they shuffled into the bar, another member said to the pro, "I've played golf for years and thought I knew all the lingo, but what in the heck is a 'rider'?"

    The pro replied, "A rider is when you hit the ball far enough to get back in the golf cart and ride to it!"
  • The Ladies Tees

    SOBBING UNCONTROLLABLY, a woman called her husband's lifelong golfing buddy.

    "What's the matter ?" asked the friend.

    "It's Sam," she said. "I don't know where I went wrong."

    "What do you mean ?"

    "I was cleaning out Sam's closet," the wife explained," and I found several boxes with miniskirt blouses and pantyhose in them."

    "So?"

    "But they aren't mine and when I asked Sam about them, he told me they were his."

    "There's nothing to get upset about," the friend assured her. "Everybody knows that Sam will do any thing to be able to hit from the ladies' tee."