• Damn It...

    Father Murphy was playing golf with a parishioner.

    On the first hole, he sliced into the rough.

    His opponent heard him mutter "Hoover !" under his breath.

    On the second hole, Father Murphy's ball went straight into a water hazard.

    "Hoover!" again a little louder this time.

    On the third hole, a miracle occured and Father Murphy's drive landed on the green only six inches from the hole !

    "Praise be to God !"

    He carefully lined up the putt, but the ball curved around the hole instead of going in. "HOOVER !!!"

    By this time, his opponent couldn't withhold his curiosity any longer, and asked why the priest said "Hoover".

    "It's the biggest dam I know."

    Dam(n)
  • A True Golfer

    Out on the golf course with his wife, the husband says, "Twenty years ago I had a brief affair. It meant nothing. I hope you can forgive me."

    His wife was hurt but said, "Dearest, those days are long gone. What we have now is far more valuable. I forgive you."

    They embraced and kissed.

    On the seventeenth tee, the husband was starting his back swing when the wife blurted out, "I'm sorry darling, I've been so conscience-stricken since you told me, but since we're being honest with each other, I have something to tell you also. Fifty-two years ago I had a sex change operation. I was a man before I met you. I hope you can forgive me."

    The husband, froze at the top of his back swing, then threw a fit! He slammed the driver into the ground, kicked the ball into the woods, stormed off the tee, pushed the golf cart over on its side, broke the rest of his clubs one by one, then started on hers.

    He screamed and ranted, "You liar! You cheat!
    You despicable deceiver!
    How could you?
    I trusted you with all my heart and soul...
    And all these years you've been playing off the F*****' ladies' tees!"
  • Teed Off

    Verne was teeing off from the men's tee. On his downswing, he realized that his wife, Joy, was teeing up on the woman's tee directly in front of him. Unable to stop his swing, he nailed it, and hit her directly in the temple, killing her instantly.

    A few days later, Verne got a call from the coroner regarding her autopsy.

    Coroner: Verne, your wife seemed to have died from blunt force-trauma to the head. You said you hit a golf ball and hit her in the temple, is that correct?

    Verne: That's correct.

    Coroner: Well, inexplicably I found a golf ball wedged in her ass.

    Verne: Was it a Titleist 3?

    Coroner: Yes, it was.

    Verne: That was my mulligan.
  • Equal Privileges

    A country club didn't allow women on the golf course. Eventually, there was enough pressure that they decided to allow women on the course during the week. The ladies were satisfied with this arrangement, formed a women's club and became very active.

    After about 6 months, the club board received a letter from the women's club complaining about the men, urinating on the golf course. Naturally, they just ignored the matter.

    After another 6 months, they received another letter reminding them of the previous letter and demanding action.

    After due deliberation they sent the women a letter advising them that they had been granted equal privileges.
ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT