• It's All About 'LOFT'

    Three guys are golfing with the club pro.

    First guy tees off and hits a dribbler about 60 yards. He turns to the pro and says, "What did I do wrong?"

    The pro says, "Loft."

    The next guy tees off and hits a duck hook into the woods. He asks the pro, "What did I do wrong?"

    The pro says, "Loft."

    The third guy tees off and hits a slice into a pond. He asks the pro, "What did I do wrong?"

    The pro says, "Loft."

    As they're walking to their balls, the first guy finally speaks up. He says to the pro, "The three of us hit completely different tee shots and when we asked you what we did wrong you gave the same exact answer each time, What Is 'Loft?'

    The pro says, "Lack Of F***ing Talent."
  • Damn It...

    Father Murphy was playing golf with a parishioner.

    On the first hole, he sliced into the rough.

    His opponent heard him mutter "Hoover !" under his breath.

    On the second hole, Father Murphy's ball went straight into a water hazard.

    "Hoover!" again a little louder this time.

    On the third hole, a miracle occured and Father Murphy's drive landed on the green only six inches from the hole !

    "Praise be to God !"

    He carefully lined up the putt, but the ball curved around the hole instead of going in. "HOOVER !!!"

    By this time, his opponent couldn't withhold his curiosity any longer, and asked why the priest said "Hoover".

    "It's the biggest dam I know."

  • A True Golfer

    Out on the golf course with his wife, the husband says, "Twenty years ago I had a brief affair. It meant nothing. I hope you can forgive me."

    His wife was hurt but said, "Dearest, those days are long gone. What we have now is far more valuable. I forgive you."

    They embraced and kissed.

    On the seventeenth tee, the husband was starting his back swing when the wife blurted out, "I'm sorry darling, I've been so conscience-stricken since you told me, but since we're being honest with each other, I have something to tell you also. Fifty-two years ago I had a sex change operation. I was a man before I met you. I hope you can forgive me."

    The husband, froze at the top of his back swing, then threw a fit! He slammed the driver into the ground, kicked the ball into the woods, stormed off the tee, pushed the golf cart over on its side, broke the rest of his clubs one by one, then started on hers.

    He screamed and ranted, "You liar! You cheat!
    You despicable deceiver!
    How could you?
    I trusted you with all my heart and soul...
    And all these years you've been playing off the F*****' ladies' tees!"
  • Teed Off

    Verne was teeing off from the men's tee. On his downswing, he realized that his wife, Joy, was teeing up on the woman's tee directly in front of him. Unable to stop his swing, he nailed it, and hit her directly in the temple, killing her instantly.

    A few days later, Verne got a call from the coroner regarding her autopsy.

    Coroner: Verne, your wife seemed to have died from blunt force-trauma to the head. You said you hit a golf ball and hit her in the temple, is that correct?

    Verne: That's correct.

    Coroner: Well, inexplicably I found a golf ball wedged in her ass.

    Verne: Was it a Titleist 3?

    Coroner: Yes, it was.

    Verne: That was my mulligan.