• The Golfer and the Ant Hill

    Once there was a golfer whose drive landed on an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty swing.

    Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything but the golf ball. It sat in the same spot.

    So he lined up and tried another shot. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants went flying again. The golf ball didn't even wiggle.

    Two ants survived. One dazed ant said to the other, "Whoa! What are we going to do?"

    Said the other ant: "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get on the ball."
  • The Golf Trip

    Paul and his buddies were hanging out and planning a 5-day golf trip. Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn't go because his wife wouldn't let him.

    After a lot of teasing and name calling, Paul headed home totally frustrated.

    The following week when Paul's buddies arrived at the golf resort, they were shocked to see Paul sitting in the lobby, drinking a beer, holding his putter.

    "How did you talk your wife into letting you go, Paul?"

    "I didn't have to," Paul replied. "Last I night I slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows. Then, my wife sneaked up behind me and covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise.' When I peeled her hands back, she was standing there in a beautiful see-through negligee and said, 'Carry me into the bedroom and tie me to the bed, and you can do whatever you want'... so here I am.
  • The Water Ball

    A golfer, now into his golden years, had a lifelong ambition to play the 17th hole at Sawgrass in Ponte Verde, Florida exactly the way the pros do it.

    The pros drive the ball out over the water onto the small green that is on a small spit of land. It was something he had tried hundreds of times without success. His ball had always fallen short, into the water.

    Because of this, he never used a new ball on this particular hole. He always picked out one that had a cut or a nick, as did many other "average" golfers when negotiating very challenging holes.

    Recently he went to Sawgrass to try again. When he came to the fateful hole, he teed up an old cut ball as usual, and said a silent prayer.

    However, before he could hit it, a powerful voice from above seemed to be booming out from the clouds, saying, "WAIT...REPLACE THAT OLD BALL WITH A BRAND NEW ONE."

    He complied, with some slight misgiving, despite the fact that this same force seemed to be implying that he was going to finally achieve his lifelong ambition.

    As he stepped up to the tee once more, the voice came down again, "WAIT. STEP BACK... TAKE A PRACTICE SWING."

    So he stepped back and took a practice swing, certain now that this heavenly force was going to make his dream come true.

    The voice boomed out again, "TAKE ANOTHER PRACTICE SWING."

    Dutifully, he did. He stopped expectantly and waited. A long silence followed.......

    Then the voice boomed again: "USE THE OLD BALL."
  • Equal Privileges

    Equal Privileges
    A country club didn’t allow women on the golf course. Eventually, there was enough pressure that they decided to allow women on the course during the week.

    The ladies were satisfied with this arrangement, formed a women’s club and became very active.

    After about 6 months, the club board received a letter from the women’s club complaining about the men, urinating on the golf course. Naturally, they just ignored the matter.

    After another 6 months, they received another letter reminding them of the previous letter and demanding action.

    After due deliberation they sent the women a letter advising them that they had been granted equal privileges!