• Ladies Golf

    After a round of golf, four ladies sat around the club house, chatting. Seeing the ladies, the Pro approached them and asked, "How did your game go?

    The first lady, a brunette, said she had a good round, adding the comment that she actually had 25 riders. The Pro was a bit perplexed not knowing what a "Rider" was.

    The second was a blonde lady who quickly chimed in and said that she had a very good round as well with 16 riders.

    The third lady then said that her round was average and that she only had 10 riders. The fourth lady admitted that she played the worst round of the day and that she only had 2 riders all day long.

    The Pro was completely confused not knowing what the term "rider" meant. But, because he didn't want to look dumb, he made a quick polite remark, wished the ladies well and then left.

    He then approached the bartender and asked "Hey, can you tell me what these ladies are talking about when they refer to 'Riders'?"

    The bartender simply smiled and said, "A 'Rider" is when you hit a shot long enough to ride on the golf cart to your ball.
  • Golf Cheater!!!

    Out on the golf course with his wife, the husband says, "Twenty years ago I had a brief affair. It meant nothing. I hope you can forgive me."

    His wife was hurt but said, "Dearest, those days are long gone. What we have now is far more valuable. I forgive you."

    They embraced and kissed.

    On the seventeenth tee, the husband was starting his back swing when the wife blurted out, "I'm sorry darling, I've been so conscience-stricken since you told me, but since we're being honest with each other, I have something to tell you also. Fifty-two years ago I had a sex change operation. I was a man before I met you. I hope you can forgive me."

    The husband, froze at the top of his back swing, then threw a fit! He slammed the driver into the ground, kicked the ball into the woods, stormed off the tee, pushed the golf cart over on its side, broke the rest of his clubs one by one, then started on hers.

    He screamed and ranted, "You liar! You cheat! You despicable deceiver! How could you? I trusted you with all my heart and soul... and all these years you've been playing off the ladies' tees!"
  • How to Insult Politely

    A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him. The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome.

    They were even after the first few holes. The second guy said, "We're about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?" The first guy said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the terms.

    The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease.

    As they were walking off number eighteen, the second guy was busy counting his $80.00. He confessed that he was the pro at a neighboring course and liked to pick on suckers. The first fellow revealed that he was the Parish Priest.

    The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money. The Priest said, "You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings."

    The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

    The Priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation. And, if you want to bring your mother and father along, I'll marry them."
  • Why I Quit Golfing

    A page from husband's diary...

    Saturday morning I got up early, dressed quietly, grabbed my golf bag, tried not to wake my wife, sneaked quietly into garage & proceeded to back out into.... a torrential rain ! Wind was blowing at 50 mph.

    I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio & discovered that the weather would be bad through out the day.

    Disappointed I went back into the house,quietly undressed, and sneaked back into bed.

    There I cuddled up to my wife's back& whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

    My beautiful and loving wife replied, "I know... and can you believe my stupid husband is out there playing golf in that terrible weather !"

    I still don't know to this day if she was joking, but I have stopped playing golf.
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