• It's a Small World

    Joe decides to take his boss Phil to play 9 holes on their lunch. While both men are playing excellent they are often held up by two women in front of them moving at a very slow pace.

    Joe offers to talk to the women and see if they can speed it up a bit. He gets about half of the way there stops and jogs back.

    His boss asks what the problem is.

    "Well one of those women is my wife and the other my mistress," complained Joe.

    Phil just shook his head at Joe and started toward the women determined to finish his round of golf. Preparing to ask the ladies to speed up their game, he too stopped short and turned around.

    Joe asked, "What's wrong?"

    "It's a small, small world Joe, and you're fired."
  • My Wife Won't Like it...

    One day I accidentally overturned my golf cart. Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer who lived in a villa on the golf course we were living at in Sarasota, heard the noise and called out, "Are you okay, what's your name?"

    "It's Jack, and I'm OK thanks," I replied.

    "Jack, forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while, and I'll help you get the cart up later."

    "That's mighty nice of you," I answered," but I don't think my wife would like it."

    "Oh, come on," Elizabeth insisted.

    She was very pretty and persuasive.

    "Well okay," I finally agreed, and added, "but my wife won't like it."

    After a restorative brandy, and some driving and putting lessons, I thanked my host, "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset"

    "Don't be silly!` Elizabeth said with a smile, "She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"

    "Under the cart...!!!!" I said.
  • Outdoorsman!!!

    During my medical examination my doctor asked me about my physical activity level.

    I described a typical day this way: "Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk, about 7 miaDuring my medical examination my doctor asked me about my physical activity level.

    I described a typical day this way: "Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk, about 7 miles, through some pretty rough terrain. I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through brambles. I got sand in my shoes and my eyes and I avoided standing on a snake. I climbed several rocky hills. I took a few 'leaks' behind some big trees. The mental stress of it all left me shattered. At the end of it all I drank eight beers."

    Inspired by the story, the doctor said, "You must be one hell of an outdoors man!"

    "No," I replied, "just a shitty golfer!"
  • Blind Golfers!

    A priest, a doctor and a lawyer were playing golf together one morning, but were stuck behind a particularly slow group. All three were complaining about how long the group were taking on each hole. Finally they spotted the green keeper, so they decided to have a word with him.

    "That's a group of blind firefighters," explained the green keeper. "They lost their sight while saving our clubhouse last year. So we let them play here any time free of charge."

    The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I'll say a special prayer for them tonight."

    The doctor said, "That's a good idea. And I'm going to consult all my textbooks to see if there isn't anything that can be done for them."

    The lawyer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
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